" It felt like I was watching a movie of my life sentence that I had n’t written , had n’t produce , or starred in . "

Sophie Turneris no stranger to having her love life be a hot topic on the internet. Last year, hervery public divorce from Joe Jonasafter four years of marriage made headlines for weeks.

At the time, it felt like every day there was a new story about the couple’s split. The press cycle included Sophiereportedlyliking to party to a ring camerareportedly capturingsomething that made Joe realize “the marriage was over” toTaylor Swiftand Sophie beingspotted out together. The whole thing sent the internet into a frenzy withmemes,commentary, etc.

Now, ina new interview with British Vogue, Sophie is detailing her feelings on her divorce, what it was like having rumor after rumor circulate about what was happening, and the mom-shaming she faced after paparazzi photossurfacedof her hanging out without her children, at the same time photos of Joe emerged with their kids.

“I mean, those were the worst few days of my life,” Sophie began when recalling how she felt in those early days after her split with Joe became public.

Explaining where she was when everything started to happen, she said, “I remember I was on set, I was contracted to be on set for another two weeks, so I couldn’t leave. My kids were in the States, and I couldn’t get to them because I had to finishJoan. And all these articles started coming out…”

“It hurt because I really do completely torture myself over every move I make as a mother — mum guilt is so real! I just kept having to say to myself, ‘None of this is true. You are a good mum, and you’ve never been a partier,'” she said.

She continued, telling British Vogue, “I mean, it’s unfathomable the amount of people that will just make shit up and put it up based on a picture. A picture might tell a thousand words, but it’s not my story. It felt like I was watching a movie of my life that I hadn’t written, hadn’t produced, or starred in. It was shocking. I’m still in shock.”

Looking back on her relationship with Joe, Sophie recalls suddenly being thrust into a big celebrity family, telling British Vogue, “There was a lot of attention on the three brothers, and the wives. Well, we were always called the wives, and I hated that. It was kind of this plus-one feeling.”

She continued, saying, “And that’s nothing to do with him — in no way did he make me feel that — it was just that the perception of us was as the groupies in the band.”

Sophie says that making sure her children would be okay amidst the divorce ended up helping her through everything. She began, “There were some days that I didn’t know if I was going to make it. I would call my lawyer saying, ‘I can’t do this. I just can’t.’ I was just never strong enough to stand up for myself.”

“And then, finally, after two weeks of me being in a rut, she reminded me that it was my children I was fighting for. Once anyone says to me, ‘Do it for your kids,’ I’m doing it. I wouldn’t do it for myself, but I’ll find the strength for them.”

Now, looking ahead and speaking about her relationship with Joe as a coparent, Sophie said, “I’m unhappy with the way everything played out, especially when it comes to my children. They’re the victims in all of this. But I think we’re doing the best we can.”

She added, “I’m confident that we can figure it out. Joe is a great father to our children, and that’s all that I can ask for.”

With the frenzy surrounding their split behind her, Sophie is looking at how her family will look in the future. When asked if she “envisions one big happy blended family someday,” she said, “My dream is to have a huge Christmas where my daughters can have their dad there, Joe’s whole side of the family, their grandparents.”

“I don’t care about the politics. I just want the girls to feel loved and have everyone show up for them.”

You can read Sophie’s entire interview with British Voguehere.

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner stand side by side; one in a dark embellished velvet jacket, the other in a sparkling black cutout dress

Sophie Turner in elegant attire smiling at a premiere

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner on a red carpet

Sophie Turner in sunglasses and a long coat pushing a stroller

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner walking hand in hand

Sophie Turner in casual attire with braided hair, graphic tee, jeans, and sneakers walks on a sidewalk

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner walking hand-in-hand at the 2019 Met Gala

Kevin Jonas, Danielle Jonas, Sophie Turner, Joe Jonas, Nick Jonas, and Priyanka Chopra Jonas in the music video for "Sucker"

Sophie Turner posing in a unique music-sheet patterned outfit

Sophie Turner in a high-neck dress posing on the carpet

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner pose together at a TIFF event; the man in a black suit and the woman in a floral dress

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner on the redd carpet

Sophie Turner in a glittery strapless dress with Joe Jonas in a striped suit, posing at an event

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner seated at an event