" I assure her that her feelings are n’t my problem . "
I may not be married, but I’m 99.9% sure that if I was, I’d want my partner to be included in my immediate family.
I didn’t think this was necessarily a hot take until I stumbled uponthis threadin the “Am I The Asshole” subreddit, where a woman told her daughter-in-law that she has no right to complain about not being invited to serious, family discussions. Here’s what went down:
BTW : Am I The Asshole is a discussion page on Reddit where users postulate for advice on whether or not they are the asshole in the situation .
“The family has a code word that means to meet up at my home because there is bad news, an emergency family meeting. This is something that is extremely rare and it means to drop what you are doing and get over as soon as possible.”
“It is only an invite for the kids, no in-laws are invited. This was discussed and agreed upon by everyone. This was due to everyone being most comfortable with sharing bad news with their siblings and not having to be polite with the in-laws.”
“For example, my daughter used the code word as she was getting a divorce and needed help. After, everyone fills in their spouses – but not all the gritty details.”
“This happened today, an emergency meeting was called by my husband. In short he needs surgery, I won’t go into more than that. Everyone left and I got a call from my daughter-in-law upset that she wasn’t invited to the meeting.”
“I asked if she knew what these were and she told me my son explained it. She reiterated that she should still be invited and I am excluding her, that she is upset and expects an invite next time.”
“I told her that her feelings aren’t my problem, and for fuck’s sake you don’t need to be invited to everything. She called me a jerk.”
“My son told me he will deal with it but I could have been nicer.”
It’s no surprise that people hada lotto say…
Most people decided that OP (original poster)isthe A-hole:
" This is so depressing . You do n’t deal your kid ’s spouses as family . I sense disconsolate for you . You sound very wild and bitter . "
u / blueeyedwolff
" IKR ? The whole home with their codewords and bar spouses . They sound draining . So much gratuitous dramatic play . "
u / celticmusebooks
" This family sounds overdramatic . You really have to call an emergency brake - drop everything meeting with the whole nuclear phratry to tell them that you , a full grown adult , is getting a divorce or needs surgical procedure ? These are promise normal life issues and they are not emergencies . Most the great unwashed just make a yoke of earpiece calls and everyone else knows within a match of weeks . by all odds some master character reference energy in this home , specially with the undercover ' family meeting ' code . "
u / OkHistory3944
As in, theyreallyhad a lot of thoughts…
" Also , as an in - natural law who would be exclude , if my husband had to suddenly sink everything and go with no context , especially if we were doing something else , and he come in home to telling me his baby was getting a divorce , I ’d beunderstandablylivid ? "
u / nkbee
" This is very eldritch . You have an enmeshed human relationship with your bio family . In - laws are kinfolk too . Gee , I enquire why divorces are occur ? ( And yes , there will be more divorces to follow if your toxic uncanny kinfolk ca n’t study how to BE A FAMILY . ) "
u / ComputerTurbulent680
" YTA . These people have married INTO your family . What a shitty matter to do . Even if there are emergencies and bad intelligence , you ’re all suppose to be family . If my own parent pulled this on my husband they ’d get told to ‘ bonk off , your feelings are n’t my problem . ’ "
u / Striking_Cabinet781
But some thought that OP actually wasn’t the A-hole this time around…
" Why is it uncheerful for people to only desire to share their worst moments with the mass who are close to them ?
I have many siblings . I ’m tight to some of their married person , others I ’m not . When my spousal relationship fell apart , I tell my close-fitting folk first . The multitude who I can sob in front of , the people I confide deep to fend for me in my pain . I do n’t think any of my sister - in - Torah or brother - in - jurisprudence are untrustworthy and they are still home , but there are degrees of family . Most of them I ’d put on the same level as my cousin – mass I wish and get to see at holidays , but not folks who need a front row seat when my life turns into a tragedy .
u / Trilobyte141
" NTA . The fact the my blood brother loves & hook up with his wife , means that I postulate to be civic and loving . It does not means , in any fashion , that once they are get hitched with , it is mechanically in my skinny circle of trust . My buddy opt her to be his wife , not me . "
u / VoomVoomBoomer
" NTA . I ’m not as comfortable around my sister ’s husband as I am around her . I never will be . It does n’t weigh that I care him and accept him as part of the family - I will never have the same relationship with my BIL as I have with my siblings .
I would not feel comfortable explaining profoundly personal and unspeakable events in my lifespan with him there . You ’re permit your folk have a safe space where they can finger completely well-off . "
u / Swirlyflurry
" I do n’t understand all the YTA votes . If my mother - in - law and father - in - jurisprudence had a health matter they wanted to discuss with their kids first , I would n’t palpate take out . crap it about you ( as girl - in - law is doing ) is incredibly ego - centred . NTA and all the practiced to your husband . "
u / jmbbl
My take? Look, families are complicated, and as individuals we all have our close circle where we feel comfortable sharing our problems and vulnerable situations. I get not having your in-laws present for absolutely everything, but the code word and being expected to drop everything immediately for a family meeting is a lil' too intense for me.
Note : All meekness have been edited for distance and/or clarity .
