" He just wants his family director , housekeeper , and complimentary in - home child care back . He is sad because the divorce made sprightliness hard for him . "
There has been a lot of discussion aboutweaponized incompetence, which refers to when someone pretends they don’t know how to do something so that someone else will do it, and it’s especially common in relationships.
A perfect example of weaponized incompetence recently went viral when husband and fatherPuzzleheaded_No3393(who we’ll call Puzzle) shared why his wife asked for a divorce in a now-deletedpostthat wassavedfor viewing by moderators
Here’s what happened in Puzzle’s own words: “I’m not looking for pity or understanding here. I know I’m not getting it. Me and my ex-wife have a 14-month-old son. After he was born our marriage fell apart,” he said.
" She sound out I was n’t pull my weight with child care and chores , but at the same sentence , she expected me to sleep together what to do without her telling me . It was speculative . We argued a lot and I ended up telling her that her life would be harder without me . She suffer really subdued and I think that was the oddment of the disceptation . It made things fall apart and we are getting divorced . "
Now, “We’re living separately; each got a new apartment. As for our son, the law in our state [Kentucky] is that 50/50 is the default custody arrangement.”
" It is automatic unless one parent proves carelessness on the part of the other . We do n’t have that , so on the advice of both our lawyers , we are part time and doing alternating weeks since we fall apart . We usually swap on Mondays with the daycare pickup and drop - off . "
“I knew being a single parent wasn’t easy but I didn’t really know until now. This is where I realize how badly I fucked up because I’m drowning. The weeks I have my son, I don’t get anything done, and I can barely even function at work because I’m so exhausted.”
" I spend the whole week I do n’t have him catching up and I ca n’t even get everything done . My flat is a mess and I can hardly keep up with errands and chores . It sucks . I understand I fucked up because I thought since I was having a tough time , my wife would be too , and we could call off the divorce and work on thing . But she does n’t need to . "
“She says her life is easier without me and she is the opposite of me and can apparently keep up everything fine. She says she isn’t exhausted anymore and realized it’s easier having one person to take care of instead of two.”
" I have it away I messed up and should have been a adept husband . I ca n’t even ask for less clock time with my boy because I ca n’t afford the child documentation . Right now , neither of us has [ to pay child support ] because of 50/50 and equal income , but if we go off 50/50 , my attorney say the person with less prison term will yield child support . I hate myself for have it away up so much . Wtf did I do ? "
Puzzle said he was not looking for pity and knew he wouldn’t get it, and WOW was he right.
" So buddy wants her back to just keep getting out of chore and so he can go back to that good life-style ? " userFit - Humor-5022posed after register the post .
JoBeWritingresponded in agreement : " That ’s what stand out to me too , " they said . " In all that rant , not one word of ' oh , my married woman is beautiful , she is smart , she is mybest friend , I miss her so much , etc . ' No . Just , ' I realized caring for a toddler is hard , actually , and I necessitate Wife Mom to do it for me . ' "
People had no sympathy, largely because he didn’t appear to feel bad for unloading all duties onto his wife. “He doesn’t even regret it because he realizes how truly wrong he is. He admits he messed up and that it’s his fault the marriage fell apart, but to me this doesn’t feel like genuine remorse or a desire for redemption,” userlapetitlissaid.
" He just want his household manager , housekeeper , and free in - home childcare back . He is sad because it ’s made life-time harder for him . I get the tone that even if he promise to change and she took him back , things would go right back to ' normal , ' with Puzzle ’s wife exhausted and overwhelmed . "
I mean, how can you feel bad when he assumed his wife would have an equally hard time raising a baby she had already been basically raising by herself for over a year?
" His stunned ass thought she could n’t manage without him ? " userWeeklyConversation8said . " She already was , which is why she was fine when he exit . Now he ’s bring in how much she actually does . He was n’t contributing anything , except stress . "
And the weaponized incompetence of it all is what stings the most.
" ' She expected me to know what to do without telling me , ' " userthrowawayadvice12emocked . " Do you consider cleaning woman are given some especial enchiridion on shaver and household guardianship ? ? Why do some hoi polloi play so incompetent ? Even though he ’s fight to keep up on his own now , he does KNOW what to do . He does n’t look at his mussy firm or his child in a dirty napkin and become perplexed at what the solution is . So , he did know what to do all along . It ’s literally common fucking sense , and if there ’s something you do n’t know about caring for a baby , there are a million resources to respond your questions that are not your overworked married woman . "
In sad conclusion:
" For so many adult female divorce is a benediction . You lose about 180 - 200lbs of dead weight and a man infant , " userfancyandfabsaid .
