This phrase could be an indicator that you had to grow up too quickly .
Most of us have made a comment at one time or another without thinking much about its impact ― especially when it make out to kid .
Case in degree : It ’s evenhandedly common for adults to severalise well - behaved children they ’re “ matured for their age . ” And while the phrase itself is n’t harmful , the message can sometimes carry a deep and more complicated meaning , according to therapists .
“ I conceive it is in the main intended as acompliment , ” saidJustin Vafa William , a licenced clinical social worker found in Philadelphia . But “ despite that intention , it does have the potential to be prejudicial . ”
For some kids , being tell they ’re mature for their age ends there . There ’s nothing more to it — it does n’t manifest in distressing ways or take after them into adulthood . But for others , it could signal that something potentially negative was going on .
Here ’s what therapists want you to screw if you were told you were mature for your age :
Being ‘mature for your age’ could mean you were parentified.
“ I think it can be specially damaging if look at this child through the lens of how mature they are contributes to the parentification of the child , ” William said .
Parentificationis when a child takes on parental responsibility for their parents or sib , whether physically , emotionally or mentally . This can look like taking on family responsibilities that an adult would typically take care of ( like devote note , establish meal or grocery shopping ) , or caregiving for your parent or younger sib , according to William .
It could mean you had to grow up quickly.
Being told you ’re ripe for your eld could be a sign that you had to grow up faster than you should have , saidMaggie Lancioni , a licensed professional counselor establish in New Jersey .
In other words , “ they were n’t mature for their historic period by choice , ” Lancioni said . “ They basically had to be to survive , in ordering to have their needs met , to take guardianship of themselves and take maintenance of others . ”
Think about it : A youngster who has to take attention of their younger sibling is n’t going to be capable to stay out late with friends or concentre on a hobby .
It could also mean you weren’t fully able to be a kid.
A mature child is often thrust into a very grownup role from a young age , which does n’t allow the kid to be a Thomas Kid , William said . mayhap you were not permit to be silly or goofy , or make capricious or irrational decisions , Lancioni said .
“ They ’re also just denied that power to be that carefree child who ’s see and evolve and making misunderstanding and learn from those error , ” William said . “ There ’s this pressure to really have it together all the time . ”
This insistency can carry on throughout your life if it goes unchecked , head you to feel like you always have to be the fledged one or the caretaker , he said .
Children who are ‘mature for their age’ are often seen as reliable by adults.
If you had a mature tendency as a child , you likely display intimate fortitude and intensity , and “ it ’s often a sign of being empathic , being attuned , ” William say .
What ’s more , adults generally take a liking to these kind of kids because they ’re “ more compliant , easier to communicate with and mostly more people - pleasing because that ’s just how they ’ve had to adjust in the world , ” Lancioni said .
It ’s not fairish for an grownup to carry a fry to be fledged , or to lean on a child for their demand . But for good or worse , it ’s likely that the grown - ups in your life view you as honest .
In adulthood, it can lead to people-pleasing, poor boundaries and difficulty asking for help.
The imperativeness associated with being told you ’re mature for your age does n’t necessarily terminate in puerility .
“ I think that it ’s of import to note that due to being called mature for your age when you were a shaver , as an adult you might find it hard to entrust others , ” Lancioni said . “ You might ascertain it difficult to ask for help even when you need it . You might minimize and brush aside your own feelings or pauperization , [ you ] might have more difficultness setting or install edge . You might have more experiences with genial health struggles . ”
Additionally , you may scramble with anxiety andpeople - pleasingbehaviors , William say .
In maturity , it ’s important that you take upkeep of yourself physically , emotionally , mentally and spiritually . “ It ’s kind of like giving yourself the love that you did n’t receive when you were a kid , ” Lancioni said .
Adults who feel they were forced into maturity at a young age should learn how to practice self - maintenance , Lancioni said . “ As a youngster , you most in all likelihood were n’t able to concentrate on that , or allowed to sharpen on that , because the focal point was mostly always on other people for survival of the fittest . ”
You should also centre on “ healing your inner child , ” a common technique in the therapy globe , she added .
“ fundamentally , [ mend your inner small fry is ] honoring the playful , spontaneous creative side of your personality that perchance you did n’t get the chance to experience in childhood , or maybe even countenance for rest and ease and ego - charge if your puerility was more chaotic or dysfunctional , ” Lancioni said .
“ And then obviously , it ’s also important to seek therapy if you ’re really struggle , especially from a healer who is trauma - informed and hurt - discipline because everyone ’s household dynamics and family experience is unique , ” she said . “ Everyone needs and deserves that individualized charge . ”
Instead of simply telling a child they’re mature for their age, comment on specific behaviors.
prove to skip over this phrase , even if it ’s coming from a good blank space .
“ Maturity is n’t necessarily a compliment , because it could … definitely be something deeper , ” Lancioni said .
Instead of saying “ You ’re mature for your eld , ” gear your statement toward a specific behavior or natural process , William and Lancioni both suggested .
“ Like , ‘ You do such a good job evince your flavour , ’ ” or “ ‘ Wow , I bang how independent you are being , but just think of that you’re able to always ask me for help if you need it , ’ ” Lancioni enounce . “ you’re able to gloss on the feature of their maturity date , but not saying that in terms of ‘ You ’re play older than you are and that ’s a good thing . ’ ”
This way of life , you reserve child to be children , and you do n’t refer their matureness in a manner that might make them feel like it ’s the most of import thing about them .
“ The verity is that kids and children should n’t have to be mature , ” Lancioni say . “ They should be able-bodied to represent and do however previous their long time is . ”
William noted that it ’s important to be mindful of how this perceived maturity is affecting your family relationship with your child , niece , nephew or whomever .
“ Is it therefore cause you to put more duty on them than is developmentally appropriate ? ” William say .
There are ways you’re able to further your tyke ’s matureness and growth without saddling them with responsibilities that do n’t make sense for their historic period , William said . This article earlier appeared onHuffPost .
