People Shared Stories Of The "Dumbest Person They've Met," And Bless These People's Hearts

Sometimes people are so inept that it really becomes rummy .

About 10 years ago, a redditor by the name of u/NoahtheRed left acommentabout the “dumbest person” they’ve ever met. For the sake of the story, u/NoahtheRed named that person Kevin.

That comment was so hilariously wild that it spawned a whole subreddit calledr/StoriesAboutKevin, where people share their own stories of…let’s say, “incompetent” people they’ve met. Here are some of the funniest, most unhinged stories:

1.The story of a Kevin who got fired on day one:

" He was a 26 - class - old male and turned up an 60 minutes and a half late the first sidereal day . It was a small roadside cafe / eatery , so I think I ’d get him go on small duties to ease him into the way of the plaza . I ask him to put Modern toilet paper in the toilet — a moment or so later I hear him yelling , ' OP , it wo n’t go on the toilet cast holder ! ' I ’m like what ? That ’s a jolly simple matter . He call out again so I tell him to bring in it to me so I can show him — he ’s bear a paradiddle of paper towel . It ’s almost three times the duration of the tp holder . ' Kevin , ' I say , ' that is report towel . '

' No it ’s not . '

' Yes , it is!Have you ever seen toilet paper that big in your lifetime ? '

' Uh … no . '

' Right , furthermore , and plausibly more perplexing — can you not see that this massive roll could n’t possibly correspond on this small bar ? '

' Yeah , I thought that was odd . '

Oh boy , well , the day goes on , and after the kitchen is pretty much unopen except for pre - cooked baked goods , I get him to give a general uninfected and call for to make certain he wipes down all the benches . I leave him to it as I acquire he ’s doing fine . Corr - ONG ! One of the other staff descend and pronounce we ’ve run out of toilet newspaper , and I ’m like what ? That ’s not possible . surely enough , all the pack are tear open and empty except for the scroll on the holder . At this stage I clear there can only be one culprit , and call Kevin over , ' Did you do something with the pot paper?‘WTF IS WITH THIS GUY AND TOILET PAPER ?

' Yes , I used it to wipe down the bench in the kitchen . '

' You used EIGHT rolls of TP to wipe down the benches in the kitchen ? ! WHY are you using toilet paper to pass over down benches ? '

' I do n’t wish using the dish textile . '

' WHO taught you to wipe down benches with toilet paper ? Have you ever seenanyonewipe down benches with commode newspaper publisher ? '

' The cloth was ill-gotten , and I did n’t need to clean it out . '

By this phase I ’m thinking , day ’s nearly over , just permit it go and I ’m sure it will work out fine … yeah , you have sex what ’s amount . Kevin run into again , and this time , it ’s beyond moronic . So I ’ve got him on serving customers pastries and the like because all you have to do is take it out of the glass bay tree , put it on a crustal plate , and give it to them — he does n’t even have to ring it up , just kill it on the plate and give .

Well , one of the client orders three scones with jam and emollient . He ’s behind the counter doing his matter , and I have a little peek and see , yes , he ’s sheer them in half and managed to put jam and pick on them . About a minute later , the customer brings the scone back up to the riposte . ' There ’s something really hard in these scones , I bit down , and it was like crunch on a rock or something . '

Of of course I ’m puzzled . ' Oh , I ’m really sorry about that — ' when Kevin cuts in :

' It ’s probably just the seeded player in the hole . '

Now there ’s something about the way he says this that spend a penny my alarm bells ringing . ' Show me what you put on these scone , ' I say , and I start exhibit toward the prep bench . Sitting on the workbench is the bowl of whisk cream , and next to it , in a moldable bag , is a broken chalk jarful that contain the mess — the m@therf@cker is feed the customer break glass .

' I did n’t suppose it would be a grown deal . '

I seize the collection plate of mostly uneaten glass - infused scones . ' How is anyone hypothesize to eat this ? '

To my staring astonishment , he proceeds to EAT THEM , in front of me , all the while crunch on glass and cringe every fourth dimension he does . I ’m dumbfounded . When he finishes eating them , he says :

' Do you conceive I should go to the hospital ? '

' You ’re fire . ' "

— uracil / LazerMoonCentaur

2.The story of the Kevin who had heard about this super dangerous town:

" My sister turned 21 today so I have been mulling over some of her more uttermost Kevin moments while writing a manner of speaking for her company . This is one of my faves :

About three years ago , my brother was about to move to New York ( we last in Western Australia ) . My sister came up to him with a grave look on her face and asked if he was going to ' Gunpoint . ' He was confused and postulate her to clear up ; she say that she did n’t think he should go there . My brother asked her if she thought ' Gunpoint ' was an actual property , and she responded that she thought it was a place in NYC , and it did n’t voice very safe because people were always getting ' held up ' at Gunpoint . "

— uranium / Sad_Noot

3.The story of the Kevin who brought her dog to the groomer:

" truthful account . A client just called for the cost of a bath and nails . I ask what kind of dog . She pronounce , ' I do n’t know what it is now , but when it grows up , it ’s become to be a dim laboratory . ' I was pose , literally . I demand her how old it was , she said it was three months , so I ’m think maybe 20 lbs max , so I distinguish her perchance $ 20–$25 . Swear to God , the lady brings ' Red ' in , and he is a POMERANIAN . I said , sorry but this is a Pomeranian , and she tells me , ' Well , I roll in the hay it ’s going to be a black lab because I have papers at home . ' I pulled up video of laboratory and pommy on the electronic computer , and I still consider she believe it ’s hold out to be a mordant lab . I ’m going home to drink in wine . "

— u / WeAreDestroyers

4.The story of the Kevin who has a very odd set of beliefs:

" I may have married a Kevin . He ab initio does n’t strike you as a Kevin , because he had a very successful calling work for a governing rudiment agency . However , some of the things he think …

Once this man gets a notion in his head , you could not remove it with dynamite . If his mother or his teacher , Sister Mary Godzilla , told him something 50 + age ago , then that was reveal Truth and could not be changed .

Sister MG tell him Isle of Man have one less costa than cleaning lady . It has to be that path because God took Adam ’s costa to make Eve . I had to show him side - by - side images of manlike and female skeletons in a aesculapian encyclopedia and make him number the rib before he believed that Sister may have been mistaken .

Sister also tell him that scale tectonics was ' only a possibility , and since hypothesis meansguessthere was n’t any accuracy to it . ' You know how South America and Africa look like they would fit together like puzzle pieces ? Sister told him that was just a happenstance . God made the world the way it was , and the bit did n’t go floating around like duck on a pond .

' possibility equals shot ' also burgeon forth down the theory of evolution , the theory of relativity theory , and a bunch of other skill things that did n’t agree with the Bible .

However , he seems to have follow up with a whole bunch of clobber all on his own :

— There ca n’t be a volcano under Yellowstone Park because they would n’t be silent enough to put a national parking lot on top of a volcano .

— Vaginas are just inside - out penises , so a adult female who is using a tampon has to take away it to pee .

— When you fire a candle , only the wick burns . The wax just run down the side of the candle holder . He had no explanation as to what happen to the wax in a jar candle .

— Meat is not the muscle tissue of brute , but something else called the flesh . He did not explain where the muscles go if meat is this mysterious ' flesh . '

— Meat also only come from mammalian . Beef is meat and pork is meat , but chicken and turkey are not meat . Nor is fish .

— Cows just spontaneously start giving milk when they reach adulthood . Having a sura every yr to start the process has nothing to do with it . On the other hand , hen must have sex with roosters before they can lay nut .

— The microwave oven and the wassailer oven are basically the same appliance . And since you could put fictile things in the microwave oven , you could utilize them in the toaster oven as well . He only did this twice , though , since I really yelled at him the second time . He does seem to have apprehend ' no metal in the microwave , ' though , so I gauge this is a asset .

— uranium / TheFilthyDIL

5.The mom-Kevin who had a problem with phones:

" My dad and I were downstairs in the living room where the landline was kept . The landline rang , and my mom comes barrel down the stairs at top swiftness . The phone contain ringing . She goes back up the stairs . A minute later , the same matter : phone ring , Kevin absquatulate down the stairs , phone stop consonant , she goes back upstairs , this time audibly annoyed by the mystery caller .

After this come about for the third time in 10 proceedings , we inquire her what the pit is going on . release out she was inadvertently calling the landline from her new cellphone . Then , upon hear the earphone ring , she was hanging up her cell and die hard down the stairs to catch the telephone set .

We have n’t been capable to figure out why she dial the landline number in the first place . She did n’t have an answer for that one . "

— uranium / deleted

6.The Kevin who thought she was bilingual:

" Austrian here .

My sister used to take in lounge surfboarder from all across the world . Most were lovely cuss with interesting tarradiddle to tell . But one time , we hit the kitty .

We got a circle of four American stereotypes . The one that I used to think were only real in movies — and one of them was an air - headed cheerleader who was one Hades of a infliction .

Since they ’re not relevant to the story , I wo n’t go into detail about how rude and obnoxious Kevina behaved during the sidereal day leading up to the event — but let me enjoin you , at this peak , even her friends were done with her .

It ’s New Year ’s Eve , the couch surfboarder decide to remain with us alternatively of go out into the city , and my sis and I go about our New Year ’s celebration the same way we always do — cause fondu , dancing to ' The Blue Danube ' and watchingDinner for One . Midnight comes and goes , and within less than five minutes , Kevina take her laptop computer to the other way to video call her parents , leaving the door open .

And off she goes , complainingloudlyabout how my sister and I are ' embarrassing as foooock ' ( literally how she enunciate it ) , how ' that Austrian food we had suuuucked ' ( as much as I would love to arrogate fondu for our culinary art , the French would in all probability be opposed ) , how ' the passel expect fake ' and whatnot .

My sister and I were in the living room with the others , absolutely able to hear every individual Holy Writ while her champion turn red as tomato and started give us apologetic looks . Cue Kevina ’s return — marching into the living room with the devil-may-care posture of the ignorant fuckhead .

Kevina ’s friend : ' Uhmm … Kevina … we heard you . All of us . ' Kevina : ' Sooo whaaat ? I was lecture Americaaaaan . '

My sister and I just calculate at each other and started laughing so hard , it take us a few minutes to calm down . She had been talk to us every single 24-hour interval in English but somehow that was dissimilar in Kevina ’s Earth .

Her ally apologized copiously , Kevina did not because she just could n’t believe ( even when we tell her ) that , yes , we do translate ' American . ' "

— uranium / Schattentochter

7.The story of the Kevin who made a very, very bad move:

" A few years back , one of my husband ’s frat brothers stayed with us for a longsighted weekend so he could serve some reunion - character thing . I ’m fairly sure he ’s a Kevin .

Since hubby and I had a long - standing kinsfolk duty on Friday night , Kevin was leave to his own devices in the house . I knew this would n’t end well . Kevin went in the Deepfreeze for some crank cream , or peradventure he was just being snoopy . Anyhow , he construe some untagged tablets in a blister pack and decide they were drug . Why ? Who knows what go on in the mind of a Kevin ? Hubby and I are n’t the type to have anything stronger than Advil in the house . Regardless , he popped a couple . After an minute or so of nothing fall out , he decided to take four more .

When we got home , Kevin inform us that we ’d better ask for a repayment because those pills in the freezer were duds ! What pills ? The 1 in our freezer ? That ’s cheeseflower curdling enzyme called rennet . I ’d been go through a phase of get a line to make my own cheese . Rennet is a necessary ingredient that comes in that chassis and is substantially hive away in the freezer . It absolutely will not make you high . In that quantity , it will cause grave gastric distress best not observed in nature . I will never leave the sounds that come from the bathroom all Saturday .

Do n’t take mystery pills from the deep freezer , Kevin . They ’re not all gon na be drugs . "

8.The story of the Kevin who made a $1,000 error:

" Kevin is a bass drum in our march band . In addition to his usual band felonies ( always being late to rehearsal , not know how sentence signatures puzzle out , dropping his membranophone on a daily basis ) , Kevin has committed a young and bad crime .

After 12 hard years of constant fundraising , our band finally bought new uniforms to replace our old ones from the ' 90s . These were not flashy : Each uniform come in with a cost of about $ 1,000 , not including the price of hats , gloves , and shoes . Because of the new uniform , our band director drilled into us the ' no feeding in uniform ' rule , a round-eyed enough principle to follow especially if we see it dozens of times a day .

Our last competition of the twelvemonth was in a declamatory football arena , and due to some timing issues , we would n’t be allow to take our uniforms off between our carrying into action and when we had to leave . Therefore , we would all have to hold back an hour or so until we could get back to the double-decker and eat the dinners we had pack .

Kevin had different melodic theme . Apparently , he had shoved money in his uniform before performing and used it to purchase a large service of process of barbecue chicken wing . He then go to eat on them in uniform , and was completely clueless to the giant orange stain going down the entirety of the front of his white uniform until my band director attend and freak out .

uncalled-for to say , it was a fun time , and Kevin was extremely lost as to what he did wrong . Hopefully , the teetotal cleaners can fix it , or our ring is down a $ 1,000 uniform . "

— uracil / myheelswillcrushyou

9.The Kevin who somehow missed the entirety of world history class:

" My now ex-wife - wife was a bit of a Kevina . On one of our first date , we determine to watch a moving picture and have dinner at my place . We decided to watchAmerican History X.

So , anyone who has seen the movie knows the scene where Edward Norton start cry at his mama ’s Jewish boyfriend . Well , we get to this shot , and my ex - married woman hesitate the movie and — I s**t you not — says , ' So these national socialist guys and these Judaic hoi polloi … they have an issue with each other ? '

She think WWII was just a movie she observe in the eighth degree . "

— uracil / stepintothe1

10.The Kevin who really, really respected those road signs:

" I think it was sophomore year of high schoolhouse when a friend out himself as a Kevin . He seemed like a normal guy until one mean solar day when some of us were talking about the walk home from schoolhouse .

Kevin suppose he hated his walk home because it took him almost an 60 minutes . I ’d been to his home before , and it was only a few auction block from the school , so I asked why it took so long . Kevin explain that because of all the one - way streets , the walkway to schoolhouse is jolly quick , but to get home , he has to take a different , much longer route . "

— u / ediblejetpack

11.The Kevin who had a brilliant, time-saving idea:

" Oh the stories I have , I think my husband could be the king of all Kevins . One of my favorites is when he wanted to move out his back haircloth , but no one was around to help . His great idea was to get Nair body hair remover , spread out it on the john floor , and set in it . I can picture all 6’4 ” 300 + lbs of him doing Nair holy man in our bath .

He gets in the shower , rinse it off , and then go about his day . He went to a piece of work appointment , worked out at the gymnasium , then picked up the nipper from school . Our Word asked him why he had a bald spot on the back of his drumhead . OMG , he got Nair in his hair and had a everlasting 3 - forge bald patch on the back of his head ! After a few more days , more hair fall out , and it was a perfect 8 . "

— atomic number 92 / theycallmeVern

12.The Kevin who was very convinced of her friend’s family tree:

" I was preparing for my babe shower bath . Kevina asked who would be there . Upon hearing my 2 - year - onetime nephew would be there , she said , ' I have n’t seen him since your wedding five years ago . '

Me : ' He ’s 2 . You have never get together him . '

Her : ' Yes , I did at your marriage , he was the tintinnabulation pallbearer . '

Me : ' My wedding was five old age ago , he ’s 2 . '

Her : ' He was your ring toter . '

Me : ' That was my cousin . '

Her : ' No , it was your nephew . '

Me : ' I only have one nephew , and he was n’t born when I got married . The ring holder was my cousin . '

Her : ' Your other nephew then . '

Me : ' I only have one . ' I bust out a pic of my first cousin . ' This male child is my cousin . '

Her : ' No , that ’s your nephew , the ring bearer . '

I do n’t commemorate what finally convinced her , but this start on for another five second . "

— u / mariabutterfly

13.The Kevin who did it not once, but TWICE:

" When I was in high school day , some of the jock decided that Home Ec would be an easy A. One of the jocks was an absolute Kevin .

So , the Home Ec year is teach how to apply sewing machines . Kevin is sewing merrily away , with his thumb vex out perpendicular to his left hand , putting it on a trajectory toward the needle .

Not surprisingly , he runs his ovolo through the provender dogs and deflate it several times . He call out to the instructor for help . She comes over and call for him , ' What did you do ? '

Kevin replies , ' I did this , ' and proceeds to repeat his actions , include going through the feed dogs and get additional puncture wounds to his thumb . "

— u / Quiltrebel

14.The Kevin who alllllmost made perfect sandwiches:

" This Kevin has been in my sprightliness since eld 6 . We grow up as acquaintance , and I have many stories ; this one is my favorite .

Kevin get a job at a gas station / profligate food place .

During his first week there , they were educate him on the sandwich line of merchandise . He say everything was going well , and he had the manager there with him to help him out . He at long last gets his first client . The guy orders a steak and cheeseflower .

Keep in mind that a steak and cheese sub is Kevin ’s favorite food , and he have good ones at home , so it should be no issue for him .

Kevin says , ' Oh ya , I blank out , no-account about that , ' then proceeds to lie the hoagie down on its side and cut the submarine sandwich long - way of life .

The managing director and the customer are now just both gaze at Kevin in complete skepticism . Finally , the coach require him why he cut the sandwich like that , and Kevin responds with , ' That ’s how you showed me . '

That was not how he was prove .

So the handler and client at this stop start to laugh about it . The handler explains that in no way , shape , or form were you trained that way . He tells Kevin he can keep that sub for himself and to make the customer another one .

Kevin makes another perfect U-boat and begins to enfold it up when the customer notices for a 2d time he did n’t cut back it .

Now , to this twenty-four hours none of us could figure out what went through Kevin ’s mind , maybe he thought it would get a respectable laugh , maybe he was super hungry and thought he would get another free sandwich . All we fuck is that he repose that 2d sub down on its side and cut it long - ways again .

Both the coach and the client were upset by this point , and the coach get off Kevin away and made the sub himself .

Kevin was slay from the sub station permanently and made into a cashier that duty period ( which there are more stories about ) .

When I finally face Kevin about the story ( other friend were around , too ) , I had to ask him :

' Kevin , if you had a long Clarence Shepard Day Jr. at body of work and you ’re starving so you kibosh to pick up a steak and cheese on the way home , and right before they turn over you what looks to be a luscious sub , they cut it in one-half like the way you did , would you accept that sub ? '

Kevin emphatically aver with a look of disgust on his face : ' F * * * no ! I would n’t take that sandwich . '

He did n’t sympathize our hysteric laughter . "

— u / Allways_a_Misspell

15.And finally, the story of a Kevin with a happy ending:

" This is about a Kevin in my program at college . She was actually a pretty mediocre minor , mostly , for the first few age . She scratch by in grade , had a few friends , and more than a few bit of vestal , sodding Kevin - cape . Several highlights admit jumping off a two - story roof ' to see what would encounter , ' a double-dyed inability to comprehend the divergence between ice pick and gelato despite many attempt to excuse it to her , and fuddle an unspecified amount of espresso and spending the better part of an hour literally run in circles around the architecture building to burn off the energy .

At one point , a male child about a class ahead of Kevin in the plan take an stake in her . Let ’s call him Sensible Sam ( SS ) . SS and Kevin set up a date at a nice home just off campus . Kevin arrest understandably unquiet before the appointment . Kevin ’s terror response was to salute an entire large shake right away prior to encounter SS . Kevin is lactose intolerant . Kevin bemuse up .

For some godforsaken cause , SS kept date stamp her . They actually fell head over heels for each other , and stay together for years , despite the fact that Kevin :

— Suggested a lovely piffling downtown place for dinner . Got horribly fall behind and could find neither the restaurant nor the way back to campus . Has lived in this townspeople for years .

— Accidentally claimed to be single just after her and SS ’s one - year day of remembrance .

— Asked SS how to write his last name . His last name is four letters . They had been dating for month at this degree .

— Found a way onto the cap of the prowess building . Was not immune to getting in worry after putting pictures on her Snapchat story instead of a radical chat .

— Forgot her shoes on the ' walking of ignominy . ' Twice .

— seek to take SS to satisfy her parents . Somehow drove to the faulty state .

— Signed up for a class . Forgot about it for the entire semester . Failed because she never showed up .

SS purpose a week ago .

Still do n’t know why he deals with my dumb tooshie . I find lucky , y’ all . "

— u / throwaw__AYYYYY