Kicking my animal foot in the air and giggling right now …
Sometimes we’re all in need of a little cheering up and a break from the more serious things in life…
So, whenu/_fiddle-sticks_asked people toshare their best jokes, I knew I had to round up some of the ones that really made me laugh. Enjoy!
1.“My four year old son has been learning Spanish for a few months now, but all he can say is the word ‘Please’.”
" That ’s poor for four is n’t it ? "
u / Houdini23
2.“A father is washing the car with his son.”
" His son enunciate , ' Dad , why ca n’t you utilise a sponge ? ' "
u / Skeleton200000
3.“Just got a pirate copy of thatBohemian Rhapsodyfilm.”
" Must have been recorded in a movie theatre , every few minutes I see a fiddling silhouette of a man . "
u / satans - dick - giggle
4.“What’s the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?”
" One ’s a big Australian creature the other ’s a Geordie stuck in a lift . "
u / ChipCob1
5.“What’s blue and not very heavy?”
" sparkle blue . "
u / throwaway2736636a
6.“Where do bad rainbows go?”
" Prism , it ’s a light sentence . "
u/-Ephyx-
7.“What did the drummer call his twin daughters?”
" Anna 1 , Anna 2 . "
u / Winklemans_Fringe
8.“What birds stick together?”
" Velcrows . "
u / Greglebowski74
9.“What cheese do you use to hide a horse?”
" Mascarpone . "
u / Wormella
10.“Do you want to join me at the picnic for llamas?”
" Alpaca lunch . "
u / CuthbertDibbleNGrub
11.“Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?”
" Because if they shine forwards they ’d land in the sauceboat . "
u / joefraserhellraiser
12.“How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?”
" Ten tickles . "
u / xSlothicus
13.“What’s E.T. short for?”
" He ’s only got lilliputian leg . "
u / MonkeyHamlet
14.“I was born in 1992 and this year I’m only going to celebrate my birthday for half a minute.”
" It ’s my thirty 2d natal day . "
u / ChiefBast
15.“So, my mum had a pet bird and one day she found it wasn’t moving. She took it to a vet, who said, ‘I’m sorry, but your bird is dead.'”
" ' How can you say that ? ! You have n’t even tested anything ! ' My female parent holler .
The veterinary sighed and brought out a kat . He put it near the raspberry and it start yowling loudly .
He says again , ' I ’m sorry , but your bird is beat . '
My mother , outraged and in tears says , ' what was that ? ! A Caterpillar ca n’t tell if it ’s dead or not , do a right trial run ! '
The vet took the big cat away , went into a back room and brought out a black Labrador . As soon as it saw the snort , it sniffed at it , then put down and started whimpering . At this point , the veterinarian says once more , ' I ’m really meritless , but your bird is unquestionably dead . '
My female parent is done at this full point , she says , ' o.k. ' , take the bird and set up it in a box , and heads back to reception .
The receptionist say , ' I ’m sorry for your expiration , but today ’s bill will be £ 1,500 . '
My florists’ chrysanthemum is n’t even cry at this point , just utterly livid and cry out at the receptionist , ' you what ? ! What on earth for ? ! '
The receptionist sedately responds , ' Well , it ’s £ 500 for the emergency brake appointment , £ 500 for the bozo scan , and £ 500 for the lab test . ' "
u / CeresHelvetion
I have to add my own one too…
16.“What’s the difference between a joiner and a carpenter?”
" One works with wood , the other paints auto . "
H/T tou/_fiddle-sticks_and r/AskUK for giving us a chuckle!
Note : All submissions have been edit for length and/or uncloudedness .
Additional thumbnail credits : NBC / Fox / Nickelodeon / ITV / MGM Entertainment Co. / Sony Pictures Releasing / DreamWorks Pictures
