" I ’m in my late 40s and have no regrets about not getting marry . Before she legislate , my mamma told me that I should have gotten married and settled down — but it ’s not a lifestyle that fits everyone ’s life . "
We recently wrote a post whereolder adults who never got married shared the “myths” about being single later in lifethat they want people to know. Over 100 of themoriginally submittedtheir stories and perspectives, so here are just 21 more of their thought-provoking responses:
1.“I never married. I had two kids, a sperm donor. I have an incredible village helping me raise my kids, and I knew that going in. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I’ve thought, ‘Hmmm, this would be easier with a partner.'”
" More often than not , I see acquaintance going through awful , painful divorcement with a cooperator , nipper caught in the middle , and I am SO glad I never got married JUST to have kids . "
— 55 , USA
2."[One misconception is] that I don’t have a family. Even though I didn’t get married, I still have an extended family I can and do spend time with. My extra time outside of work is spent on endeavors of my choosing, whether with family or personal interest activities. There is also a friend group I’ve known for decades and see frequently. People need to stop projecting their insecurities onto others."
— 47 , Texas
3.“I think the biggest misperception is that I chose to be single, prioritized my career, or partied too much or whatever. None of that is true. The reality is that a man never chose me. I wanted to build a life with someone, but he just never showed up. So, I got on with it and built a life that didn’t require a man beside me to keep it afloat. Would I be happier if I were married? Who knows.”
" I only have a go at it that what I have now ( booster , family , fiscal stability , a nice family , etc . ) works well enough . A military man would be frost on the patty now , but the cake has been broil — and it ’s luscious . "
— 54 , Pennsylvania
4.“Most people have the preconceived notion that being single equals being lonely. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. There are worse things out there than being lonely. As an established retiree, I have found people looking for financial stability instead of companionship, and they really don’t bring anything to the table but instead want to take away from it.”
" If you are still single and in your sixty , it ’s likely best to stay thus and enjoy biography and what it offer . Remember , there are worse things out there . "
— 65 , Oklahoma
5.“Myth: You’ll regret not getting married and having kids. I learned long ago by watching other people get married and deal with their spouse’s and kids’ problems that it wasn’t the life for me.”
" If I ’ve had a long day at work , I can come home to a dainty quiet house , have a nice dinner and bath without anyone trouble me . I go grocery shopping in peace , and I get to watch whatever pic I want when I want to . I relish a good night ’s uninterrupted sleep , which I get most nights . I can vacation wherever I like when I desire to . "
— 61 , California
6.“It is tough at first. You want to find that person you will grow old with. My parents set a high bar. Perfect couple. Loving to the end. I couldn’t reach it. I couldn’t find the perfect mate, and it was killing me. Every failed relationship brought me closer to the reality that I was going to die alone. But then, after my last break up, I just hit autopilot. Diug into my work. Turned off the dating switch. And there it was: Peace.”
" I did n’t need another individual to achieve peacefulness ; I never knew that choice was possible . No more arguments about silly things that have nothing to do with anything . No more Trygve Lie or manipulations . Just peace . I ’m happy now than I have ever been . Yes , I am lonely sometimes , but I ’ve realized that being lonely is just a step towards appreciating and celebrating your solitude . I have a sorting of new gal , but we keep it elementary and do n’t make waves . Most married people I know are fume — they bet at me and wonder how I discover my heartsease . I did n’t think of to . I worked heavily against it . But then it just happened . And for that , I am thankful . I now live and sleep with on my terms at 55 . I still want to rise erstwhile with someone I love , but now I acknowledge I do n’t have to . When you select peace ( and it ’s deserving prefer ) , it follow with many so long . "
— 55 , Louisiana
7.“Myth: I’m too picky. Truth: I won’t settle to avoid being alone.”
— 54 , California
8.“People assume that as a childless single woman, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and that it’s so much fun to be ‘free.’ There are many things I’m excluded from, and there are even more that aren’t fun to do as a single person. Solo exotic travel is just stressful. With a partner, most disasters become memories and stories to be retold. Solo those same disasters can be really scary; all that fear never becomes a funny story.”
" I ’m surprised by how many things I am keep out from or , if I am include , how differently I am plow . I entertain oftentimes , and not one of the marital couples has ever reciprocated the invitation . On the uncommon occasion when I get included , I ’ll frequently get squeezed in between two duet on a corner or seat at the overflow table with the great unwashed much untested ( like 15–20 twelvemonth ) and much more my Jnr at employment . I enjoy the young multitude a fate , but it would be nice to be a part of my match ' conversation and not be the ' boss ' intruding on the ' kids '' conversation . "
— 43 , Arizona
9.“Myth: Something must be wrong with older single, never-married folks. Truth: Older singles are no more or less likely to be flawed human beings than any other group, but we may be on the deeper side and thus harder to know and/or have a harder time connecting as easily with others. Or, we have higher standards and never found the right one.”
— 62 , California
10.“Society makes it seem like youhaveto get married, but you DON’T in order to be happy in life! I am 47 years old and have never been married. When I was 19, I was engaged; throughout the years, I have been engaged, and I just got out of a relationship this year being engaged as well. Seven times total in 28 years. I’m known as the runaway bride to all my friends! What I’ve realized is two things: The men in my life either wanted to change me once they put that ring on my finger, or they just gave up complete effort in our relationship once they thought they had me for life. I have come to realize I absolutely love being single.”
" I do n’t have to be a mommy to anyone I did n’t birth . I am not your maiden nor your nanny . I can process myself well than any man can and am free to do whatever I require without find out in with a warden . I can go on vacation with my friends and do n’t have to worry about any guiltiness trips or jealousy about what I ’m doing . It ’s unproblematic : do it yourself , and love others ! "
— 47 , USA
11.“I had one long-term relationship in my late teens/early 20s. I wanted to partner up again, but it never happened. Had a kid and parented him solo for 15 years. What I have loved about my life is the freedom to pursue my interests and hobbies and never having to negotiate or compromise while parenting my son.”
" Sleeping in the middle of a queen - sized bed , only clean up after myself and kid , and not being reliant on another somebody is peaceful . "
— tharris296
12.“I love my mom, who is now deceased, but she told me that I should have gotten married and settled down before she passed — but it’s not a lifestyle that fits everyone’s life. I think it was for her validation and happiness rather than mine. I’m in my late 40s and have no regrets about not getting married.”
" I contract to locomote and do things I would have never done if I got splice . You ca n’t turn back clock time ; journey in your later age is nothing like locomote in your 20 . "
— Anonymous , California
13.“I’m about to celebrate my 60th birthday this year, and I have never been married. I always wanted to get married and have a family since I was a little girl. I never even imagined I would go through life without a husband or children. I believe in my heart that things happen for a reason, but I always thought I would meet a wonderful man and would be married someday. Well, someday has arrived, and I am now considered a spinster. It hurts to think that people assume I never married because I ‘chose’ not to get married. That is untrue and unkind…”
" A Book of advice to all those who have misjudged me about why I am not married yet : Be tolerant and do n’t say hurtful things about those who have never wed . Until you get it on what it feels like to survive a exclusive life in a ' married ' creation , just keep your pitiless words to yourself ! "
— 60 , USA
14.“After a dysfunctional childhood, the opportunity to pass that legacy forward to another generation was not desirable. Being raised in a single-parent family due to death is difficult enough. But when the surviving parent makes conscious decisions to make your life as [hard] as possible, it led to none of my siblings or I wanting children. At this point in my life, early 60s, I have not had any regrets about my lack of any heirs.”
— mellowtruck20
15.“It’s just another way to be. My guess is no better, no worse than any other. I got very sick at a young age with a lifelong chronic illness, and, losing hope for love, I dedicated my life to my work and others. It has been an opportunity for contentment, and it’s not the life I anticipated. I am at peace with it. Love God, family, and friends. Content!”
— 58 , Canada
16.“I’ve never been married or engaged and love my life. I never saw myself getting married, but I have always been open to the possibility. I’ve built a life with friends, family, a career, and hobbies. I choose how to spend my own money. I decorate how I want, spend my time how I want, and I can travel a lot. I do have great family and friends who support me. Maybe without them, I would have prioritized a relationship more. The times when I feel uncomfortable being single are when other people pry into my private life or start questioning my decisions.”
" It ’s like they remember I must be unlucky or miserable or the tough … there must be something incorrect with her , she has commitment issues , etc . I’m just felicitous unmarried . have to explicate this invariably sucks . "
— 39 , Georgia
17.“I’ve had endless people advising me to get married while complaining about their spouse, or shortly after giving the advice, they’re going through divorces, some are OK (as much as they can be), some are acrimonious. … I am not against marriage — it just seems a tedious institution to me. It’s a rare person who, after 20 or 30 years of marriage, actually really enjoys it. I’m sure they are out there, but it’s the exception, not the rule in my experience.”
" As a small fry / teenager , I want to be married and go ' happily ever after . ' Now , I ’d run for the hill at the thought of getting married that young . I call up being exclusive make your living a lot more interesting than being in a wedlock . I am free to go to some very bizarre and interesting station at a moment ’s placard . That say , I do n’t see being single as some sort of Sion either . As I age pretty ungracefully , it ’s maybe hard to be single but also laborious to wed . "
— 50 , New York
18."‘You’ll be lonely, you won’t have anyone to look after you, etc.’ Heard it all — nothing could be further from the truth. I have a great job and make my own decisions about money, travel, entertainment, and any other major life decisions. I love my unencumbered lifestyle! I don’t have to worry about my kids' future because I don’t have any. Not dissing anyone who chose otherwise; if you’re happily married with kids, all the more power to you."
" It ’s just of import to know yourself and know what ’s near for you and your lifetime circumstances . I just have a go at it from the time I was in my late teens / early 20 all the reasons I did n’t need to get married or have kids . At 61 , I gave no regrets . The choice I made are reaffirmed as the years go by , and I see the universe changing . "
— 61 , Canada
19.“I didn’t make a conscious decision not to have a husband and kids — it just worked out that way. My parents got married when they were 22, so I thought that was a good age for me, too; however, while my fiancé was absolutely the right man, it was absolutely the wrong time for me to get married. Fast forward 30-ish years, and I’ve never married and never had kids, which is strange because ever since I was in first grade, I dreamed of having a house, a husband, and a lot of kids. I think there’s a part of me that thought it was a checklist of required things to do in life: graduate from college, get married, have kids. No one really said what to do when all the boxes were checked, and no one ever presented the list with the option of only checking off one box (a college degree).”
" The thing I ’m finding most perplexing about it all is thatI do n’t seem to match in anywhere ; hoi polloi do n’t know what to do with me . I ’m not marital or divorced , and I ’ve never had kids so I lack those type of experience with most other multitude I meet who are my age …. For the most part , I am content with my life . Sometimes , I look back and play what - if or get sad because I ’m not where my much young ego thought I would be by now , but , on the whole , I ca n’t sound off . I have n’t rule out get marital or have kids , but I also do n’t anything to actively try it out . "
— 53 , South Carolina
20.“I’ve been alone some 66 years, never married, but I’ve had more friends and lovers than I can count. Being alone does not mean you must be lonely. I answer to the most important person I know: Me.”
— atomic number 92 / grouchygoose50
And finally…
21.“It was society’s expectation to follow a certain path, and I bought into it, thinking I needed it for happiness. Once I learned about myself as a human being and realized I didn’t see the same need as society, I let go of the traditional approach and began to see the many valuable elements in remaining single and unattached.”
" My money is 100 % my own to decide how to drop or salvage it or even donate it to others in need without a committee decision with others . While I may not have a spouse or child to worry for me , I do have a impregnable roach of friends who are also single , and we can all see the potential to become our own support system for each other . I encourage everyone to find their own path and not feel pressured to take after what others expect . "
— 56 , Illinois
take down : Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity .
