• Throws jewel off the side of a sauceboat *

Nothing, and I mean nothing, makes me feel older than seeing celebrity children grow up.

The latest reminder of my own mortality happened in the form ofNicole Richieand Joel Madden’s kids walking a red carpet for the first time.

For those who don’t know, Nicole and Joel have been together for nearly 18 years.

They have two children: Harlow and Sparrow.

You might remember them from the early 2010s?

Well, now they’re teens.

The celeb spawn made their red carpet debut at their mom’s movie,Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead.

Harlow (left) is 16, and Sparrow (right) is 14.

Now, excuse me, you can find me tossing heirloom jewelry off the side of a large ship in the Northern Atlantic ocean.

Woman looking frustrated at desk with papers flying and laptop open

Two celebrities pose together; one in a sheer top and sequined dress, the other in a black suit and hat

Two individuals posing closely; one wearing a graphic tee and cap, the other in a scoop neck top with visible tattoos

A family poses with costumed characters from the children's show 'Yo Gabba Gabba!' at an event

Elderly woman with necklaces speaks, subtitle reads "It's been 84 years…" from a film scene

Six people posing together at the "Don't Tell Mom" event; two men and four women, with a mix of casual and formal attire

Group of seven people posing together at 'Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead' event

Elderly person's face with a surprised expression, captioned "I'll be goddamned"