" If you ’re in a race to get married , make babies , and polish off all of those other societal statute mile - markers , your view is in all likelihood obscured . "
Reddit useru/chiphotogposed thequestion: “What is the most obvious sign a couple won’t last long?” The replies quickly filled with observations, opinions, and some hard truths. Here’s what people shared:
1.“They thrive on drama. It may last a couple years because they enjoy the fighting, but they’re not gonna be married for 40+ years.”
— atomic number 92 / Jackster7917
2.“I always find that couples who post about how much they love each other on social media break up pretty quickly. I’m not talking about like one post, but the excessive ones. Recent example: A girl I know posted probably every other day about how this guy is her world, how she’d be lost without him, how she misses him when he’s not there, etc. They were together for about three months total. I just find it so obvious.”
— uranium / JPK12794
3.“Calling each other ugly names and saying hurtful things during a fight. I still hear the hurtful things an ex said to me. No amount of apologizing and ‘I didn’t mean it’ will stop that reel from replaying in my head.”
— u / StraddleTheFence
4.“When one person really wants a threesome and the other person really doesn’t want a threesome.”
— u / AloofusDoofus
5.“Their communication doesn’t improve over time. Being in my first real, healthy relationship, I’ve realized that both people need to be committed to their individual and collective growth to create a fulfilling, healthy relationship. If one or both people aren’t trying, they make a habit of withholding their true thoughts, or they make no effort to make the small changes to eventually meet the other half-way, it’s inevitable.”
— u / GodsBleedToo
6.“My friend works in the wedding industry and said the couples who shove cake in each other’s faces (when it’s clear it was not talked about beforehand) tend not to last.”
– u / paradoxdefined
7.“The relationship started with cheating.”
— u / Gijustin
8.“They casually show signs that they don’t respect each other. It can be a lot of eye-rolling, mocking, condescending laughs, casually saying, ‘you’re so stupid,’ embarrassing them in front of friends, etc.”
— u / smolbibeans
9.“I hate when someone tells embarrassing stories about their partner in front of them. Like, you should protecting them, not ridiculing them publicly.”
— u / MrSaladEars
10.“Different spending habits. Finances destroy relationships. If people aren’t aligned on what they spend their money on, it’s a matter of when, not if.”
— u / Fated47
11.“One or both people use the relationship to feel ‘whole’ or ‘fulfilled.’ A healthy relationship is something you add TO your life, not something you use to FIX your life.”
— u / East_of_Amoeba
12.“When they can’t handle disagreements without it turning into a full-blown argument. If you can’t navigate the small stuff with some understanding, the big challenges are gonna be a nightmare.”
— uranium / Puzzleheaded_Tip6967
13.“Getting caught up in technicalities rather than caring about the other person’s feelings. ‘We weren’t technically exclusive yet!’ ‘Technically, you’re the one who said you didn’t want to go to the party.’ If one or more parties care about about being right rather than addressing the other’s feelings, it’s pretty much doomed.”
— atomic number 92 / Justafana
14.“I have known a lot of couples who show an extreme amount of PDA while actually not doing too well behind closed doors. It’s almost as if they need to put on display that they are ‘so in love’ to others.”
— uranium / basshousekitty
15.“No emotional connection, or if the other person cannot trust you or tell you what they feel, what they’ve been through, or what they’re dealing with right now. I understand that some people need their time to open up and find their own words to express their emotions; I’m one of them. But, I’m referring to people who don’t even try, even for small stuff. Just to give an example: Normal day. You and your pal sit together. You ask them about some stuff that’s been bothering them because you see they’re worried and sad. They don’t say anything or say that it’s nothing. This happens over and over again. Or, you do something that your pal doesn’t like, but they’re not telling you. The only time you will hear what they don’t like in the relationship or what they don’t like about you will be in an argument or at the breaking point.”
— u / YourFanBB
16.“Rushing. If you’re in a race to get married, make babies, and hit all of those other social mile-markers, your perspective is likely obscured. You might wake up in five years and realize you hate the person you ran this little experiment with. Relationships that are enduring don’t have anything to prove. You simply share and exist together.”
— u / bamboo_keys
17.“Lack of trust. Not necessarily just about the big stuff (fidelity, money, your real name), but the basic, everyday communication. If one or both partners is constantly questioning what the other person meant, or is constantly looking for reasons to get offended by what the other says, it doesn’t bode well for the long-term prospects. As a witness, you can feel the underlying tension when they interact. The stress of it all usually leads to resentment and dissolution of the relationship.”
— uranium / Dr_Wristy
18."‘Having a kid will bring us closer together and things will get better.'"
— u / ConversationLeast902
19.“Couples who have no friends, hobbies, or life outside their relationship.”
— uracil / Blumpkin_Party
20.“When they can’t laugh with/at each other and share no inside jokes. Seriously, I could not imagine having an unfunny partner. We laugh hard at least once a day, still after 18 years together. Humor is everything.”
— u / South - Designer9585
21.“When they say things like ‘we have our ups and downs’ only a couple weeks into dating.”
— u / steely_92
22.“Inability to be apart. When they’re that codependent that every 15-minute break from each other’s presence leads to a text argument, they’re just sleepwalking towards the end.”
— u / campbelljac92
23.“The most obvious sign to me is whether each individual in the relationship is the exact same person with their partner as they are without. When I see that someone is funnier, or more relaxed, or they have any other slight changes in personality when they’re not with the partner, I know they aren’t meant for each other. Think about it.”
— atomic number 92 / Illustrious_String50
24.“For me, the death knell for most relationships I’ve witnessed or been a part of can be summed up with one word: contempt. If you have contempt for your partner, or your partner has contempt for you, it’s over. If you no longer respect them, and they no longer respect you, then it’s best for both parties to go their separate ways. Some couples persist after this point due to other factors — like children, a mortgage, shared assets — and they get way past the point of sanity and make each other miserable.”
— uracil / huskre
25.“Always keeping score. A guy I used to work with and his wife always kept score with each other. They weren’t being cutesy about it, but rather malicious, and they both let each other get away with it. I remember the one day he and I were hanging out after work for about two hours on a Friday, and on Monday he was telling me that when he got home, his wife was waiting in the kitchen with her coat and purse on, and said, ‘Since you got two hours without having to be with the kids, I now get two hours on my own. See you in a couple hours.'”
— u / Trimaxian_Drone
26.“Unresolved issues with the ex-spouses. I know that dealing with an ex-spouse is tricky, especially when children are involved, but if you have two people with difficult ex-spouse situations and kids, and it’s a ticking time bomb.”
— u / ArmyofSkanks6
27.“They have nothing in common except that they thought the other was physically attractive.”
— uracil / dayofthedeadcabrini
28.“Subtle jabs at each other in groups of people. It’s one thing to occasionally poke at one another ‘in good fun’ while alone, but to do it with a seemingly malicious intent around others is a big ick.”
— uracil / Awkward_Discount_633
29.“Going very far to prove each other wrong. This is a very obvious sign that they will go to any length to prove they’re better than their partner, and it shows that they are very insecure. It’s sort of an egoistic/narcissistic thing to do. So, if your partner goes far to prove to you that they are right and everyone else is wrong, think twice about them.”
— u / Dutch_Bever13
30.“Not having aligning lifestyle types, goals, or ideologies, and having conflicting ways of handling finances, parenting, and conflict resolution. But, above all, not being able to compromise with each other when facing these issues.”
— uracil / accordant - Echo-8070
31.And: “My grandparents always told me that the two most important parts of any relationship are communication and compromise. If you don’t have that, then you have nothing. Being able to openly communicate and meet each other halfway is everything. There’s obviously other aspects to relationships, but that is certainly the base of a strong relationship. I understand this now more than ever after getting out of an eight-year toxic relationship where she was not communicative with me at all.”
— u / Foresaken - Biscotti437
Note : Submissions have been blue-pencil for length and/or clarity .
