" Beef is n’t red heart and soul , it ’s BROWN . "
A while back, we shared stories from redditors about the “Kevin” in their lives — the person who was so inept that they wondered how they’d gotten that far in life in one piece. For more about why “Kevin” ended up being the name for these folks, check out theprevious post(and sorry to all the actual Kevins out there, I’m sure you’re intelligent, good people).
TheBuzzFeed Communitystarted sharing their own stories of the Kevin in their lives, so here are some of the best ones:
1.The story of the person who had some scrambling problems:
" I have intercourse Kevin in college . One day , he say he was run to the kitchen and make some scramble eggs . After about 20 minutes , we embark on to smell smoke . We asked him if everything was ok , and he yelled back , ' I ’m hunky-dory , but how long does it take for eggs to start to skin ? ! ? ! ' He conceive the egg would just every which way beat themselves . "
— bessg3
2.The story of the person who made a new category of meat:
" I was explaining how my girl ’s digestive organization does n’t handle red meat well , so the fact that they ( ' Kevin ' ) were prey her beef multiple days in a row was not concur with her . ' Kevin ' said with the attitude of a 13 - twelvemonth - old girl , ' Beef is n’t RED inwardness , it ’s BROWN . '
' Kevin ' promise me she was n’t seek to be ' attackery ' ( I retrieve she meant argumentative ? ) . ' Kevin ' unfortunately is a nanny responsible for the health of other people . We look up to her now as Brown Meat and can not even search at a red meat dish without laughing and mentation of the incident . But seriously , has she never cook kick from scratch line to see it in its raw form ? I was so confounded . "
3.The story of the person who added an extra step or two:
" My mama had rent someone to sit with my gran during the day so my mom could go to employment . My grannie like her bottled water at room temperature . Her sitter would take the cold feeding bottle from the refrigerator , put them on the counter , allow them to come to room temperature , and then give them to my grandma . Then , the sitter would get more room - temperature bottles and substitute the ones she had taken from the refrigerator . 🤔 "
— baobaopanda
4.The story of the person who baked just like his mama:
" My x - married man ’s Kevin moment was when he got a craving for cocoa poker chip cookie . He jump put the dough on a cool down rack , and I examine to explain that they necessitate to bake on a baking sheet . He argued with me and said , ' This is how my mom always makes them . ' After going back and forth for quite a while on this , I finally threw my paw up and just countenance him put them in the oven .
The kitchen start out to fill with smoke pretty rapidly as the dough melted down onto the oven trading floor , and he had a giving ole mess to clean house up . unluckily , I was really look forward to those cookies … "
— kec93
5.The story of the person who invented a new animal:
" A Kevina I start to school with knew that pork barrel and Baron Verulam come from pigs , but thought a jambon was an alone different animal . She insisted that ham came from a gammon like chicken came from a chicken . She was at a loss for words when asked to account what the ' ham ' animate being looked like . "
6.The story of the person who might have confused red meat for chewing gum:
" A Kevina I operate to eminent shoal with assure me she does n’t eat red core because ' It posture in your bowel for seven years . ' She severalise me this while exhaust a hamburger . "
— runner1399
7.The story of the person who, I guess, had no concept of depth perception:
" A congeneric of mine has an ex . While driving cross country , they saw cow in a field . She was shocked at how the cattle near the fence were so much grown than the oxen further away in the pasture . He had to explain the perception of sizing close and far away . "
— anonymous
8.The story of the person who misplaced an entire car (TBH, I’ve done this, too):
" I have it away a guy who drove to 7 - Eleven to get a bite , forget he drove , walked home , then ' lose ' his car for three mean solar day because it was still park at 7 - Eleven . He had full accept that it was just gone when he happened to pass by the 7 - Eleven and saw his car just chilling there , unharmed and not missing at all . "
— dalyaz
9.The story of the person who probably learned a lot of stuff, but never learned the basics:
" I supervised a very sweet-flavored Kevin . He get at piece of work one day with his unvarying khakis cover in bleach spots . When I asked him what happened , he read , ' I ran out of laundry detergent so I just added more bleach to the wash motorcar . ' Kevin was 24 and had graduated from a prestigious college . "
10.The story of the person who SEVERELY misread a label:
" I ’m a respiratory therapist , and when getting reports during switch alteration , the other healer told me that if I have to do an ABG ( blood drawing card in an artery on the wrist ) , that I ca n’t draw on the rightfulness because the affected role has a untrue wrist . I was completely perplexed . I require what made her think the patient had a false wrist ? She pronounce that there was an armband on the patient role that articulate this . When I went and saw the patient , I see that the articulatio radiocarpea band enunciate ' FALL RISK . ' "
11.The story of the person who — urk, don’t think about it too hard or you’ll puke:
" read forethought of a total Kevina in the infirmary . She find out that you should drink at least eight glasses of water a day , so she did just that . Unfortunately , her glass were 64 - oz . threefold Big Gulp cups from 7 - Eleven . It took her less than a week to develop body of water tipsiness with dangerous electrolyte asymmetry . She nearly break down . During her recovery , she filled out a resume about her infirmary stay . She was very confident except for the food , specifically the jelly that we give out for toast at breakfast . view that there was no jelly on her breakfast tray as she had n’t ordered any , I asked her what jelly was so speculative . She replied , ' The Kentucky jelly ' and show me where the nurse conceal it . release out she was putting KY lubricating jelly on her toast . "
12.The story of the person who wasn’t up on their anatomy:
" I worked with a Kevin who was asking questions about bariatric surgery . She want to get it on if a cleaning woman would be able to have kids after having one of those surgeries . I just shrug and said something about probably ask to wait some clip for healing design and involve to discuss it with their doctor . Kevin then proceeded to take , ' But where would the baby get ? ' This womanhood had previously sacrifice birth to more than one kid . Did she recollect they came from her literal stomach ? I was too confused to even endeavor to answer her . I ended the conversation by changing the subject to work stuff and nonsense . "
13.The story of the person who thought they were just handing out money:
" I managed gas stations for years . There are Kevins around every day . The location I worked at had started selling money order . A Kevin walk in and wanted a $ 25 money order . I call for them how they were going to pay for the money order . Kevin said , ' I just need a $ 25 money guild . ' Kevin did not understand that money order have to be paid for . Kevin think all you had to do was order the money and get it . "
14.The story of the person who was never allowed a gun again:
" On one military deployment , we had a total Lieutenant Kevin experience . In the US military , you had to clear your weapon before enroll any harden construction , such as the Division Headquarters . No loaded weapons were allowed inside the construction . To crystalize your artillery , there was a 55 - gallon cask make full with Amandine Aurore Lucie Dupin with a 6 - column inch hole in the top death sit at a 45 - degree angle next to the entrance . You release your artillery ’s magazine , slide the charge handle to the behind to eject the live round from the chamber go away it empty , then put the barrel of the weapon into the trap in the clearing bbl and pull the induction . ' Click . ' The arm is now empty and safe . If there were a live round it would fire ' safely ' into the barrel of sand .
On this particular day , Lieutenant Kevin proceeded to move the slide of his pistol to the rear , boot out the round in the chamber … and loading a impertinent circle from the still - enclose magazine . Then he removes the powder magazine , places the weapon into the opening of the bbl , and take out the initiation with a flash crack cocaine , wounding the clearing bbl . The safeguard on duty shout at him for being an incompetent idiot , but the Lieutenant — desire to show his competency — declares that he did everything in rescript and demonstrates it again . He reloads his weapon system and again pull the slide to the rear and releases it , squeeze out the round that was in the bedchamber ( again reloading a new one shot ) , removes the magazine , places the barrel inside the glade barrel , pulls the trigger with a loud crack , and finishes off the clearing barrel with a kill dig .
Lieutenant Kevin spend the remainder of the deployment carrying a stapler in his holster instead of a pistol . He was want to clean his stapler daily , demonstrate it for inspection , and clear it of any staples at the clarification drum before enter the military headquarters . "
15.And finally, the (self call-out) story of the person who didn’t think about cause and effect:
" out myself with laugh . I ’m 5’4 ” ( F ) , 100 pound . Was walk my ball - loving 125 - pound . Newfoundland . I insure a ball in the sewer , picked it up , and as it lead my deal , I remembered :
1 . ) I ’ve got a really good limb .
2 . ) My dog is bind to a leash around my coxa .
I saw my life in that wink . A car add up down the street saw the wiener sweep up me and cat to scare him . Bleeding with a broken leg , I looked up to see my dog with the gallant grin and a glob in his mouth . Life . "
