I can find out you cackle already .
Bonjour/hi! Welcome back to another week in paradise (the time of the week when I present to all of you the depths ofmy ridiculous Twitter feed). This tweet was my favorite this week:
one time I saw a doc run in the hospital and I was like omg what ’s the hand brake and they were like DIARRHEA and I was like omg who and they were like ME
But there were plenty more tweets that made me cackle, so here they are for you, too:
1.
just learned that they put your last name on a pet ’s prescription which signify there are pill pusher out there who went to schoolhouse for years just to dispense Zoloft to a Meatball Williams
2.
my sister found a bar that prints figure of speech onto Guinnesses and has been operate in and necessitate for “ Zendaya ’s Big Hat”pic.twitter.com/Sx07IUbPDV
3.
the dainty , mildest woman in the office is on a teams call and has just chuckled and said " you know , i could go off . i could go off . you would n’t like it , but i could go off " and i ’ve never been more frightened in my biography . i desire her to go off
4.
me : i merit a treatbank account : for the love of god pls cease
5.
My friend ’s Dad does n’t know who Cookie Monster is and referred to him as insensate ELMO.pic.twitter.com/BT29ngtKpT
6.
12yo said the toilet started smoke , checked & this is what we seepic.twitter.com/fd2jkHpnZt
7.
i took my son to get a hot dog after schoolhouse and somehow they ply out of condiment we just walked into the playground and a tike said “ there go mino the plain hot dog feeder he ’s always eat up unpatterned spicy dogs ” and i am in tears
8.
2 kids at church service were saying this wench was theirs .. pic.twitter.com / KHfXBCodhy
9.
manful religious cult drawing card : I have welcome a raw revelation from the lordme : let me guess , he wants you to have multip — craze leader : I am to have multiple wives
10.
Pro tip , repast prepping is a great mode to ascertain that you always have food that is cold , a little previous , and not what you ’re in the mood for
11.
12.
Thinking about the meter I was at my grandma house bussin down a plum and mid raciness I was like “ man I really like plums soooo much . I just do n’t understand why they make you so itchy ? ? ” Yall she stopped cook and looked at me like thispic.twitter.com/BVp5Q3jzGR
13.
girls on insta go “ 4 whole geezerhood with this goof 😍 ❤ ️ 🔥 🥰 😘 ”pic.twitter.com/1gTwPqBNFE
14.
woman : a good grounds to not take your partner ’s last name when you get married is that maybe you and i sound to school together and i ’d care to have a slight looking at what you ’re up to now
15.
Forklift too bighttps://t.co/bhDwxU1C7A
16.
Shiitttt you doing greathttps://t.co/2QsNWwFRyc
17.
Marlboro Red would be a beautiful name for a baby male child
18.
I ’m sorry Miss Jackson I ampic.twitter.com/qpjbfqeE5Q
19.
I won’t.pic.twitter.com/3AllNOggXQ
20.
multitude will be like “ ew putting your traveling bag on your bed is the most disgusting thing you could do ” and it ’s like no . not me . i ’m capable of much more disgusting affair
21.
i ca n’t believe i get the keys to a new sign of the zodiac , got a promotion at work and bagged myself a fellow all in the space of a calendar week 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 forgot how good the sims 4 is
22.
me : enthalpy - individual who was n’t take into account to find out spongebob as a youngster : i was n’t reserve to look on spongebob as a kidskin
23.
I ’ve shenanned before … and I ’ll shenanigan
24.
i m like the opposite of machine learning . human forgetting
25.
capture my dad institutionalize an sheer unit of a textpic.twitter.com/IVAzI81puh
26.
new client intakepic.twitter.com/TD3aDSagOZ
27.
Babe pleassseeee wear the escargot boots tonightpic.twitter.com/bR8wjsFBHx
28.
I just eat $ 35 worth of Taco Bell before come in this evasion way . We ’re getting out one way or another .
29.
feels so weird to be telling a kid " omg you ’ve gotten so tall since i determine you last" ….. as a kid i used to be like why do adult always say that …. its bc kids get so tall than since you saw them last
That’s all for this week, folks! See ya next week. Don’t forget to shoot these creators a follow if they made you laugh! And if you’re looking for more tweets to waste your time laughing at (sounds productive to me, TBH), check out our previous weeks' roundups:
28 Funny Tweets From The Week Because Life ’s But One Verrrry Funny Joke
26 tweet To Make You Laugh Because We Really Are Just Teeny , Teeny Little Ants In This Big Ol' human race
