Yes , there ’s a high likeliness that your parents and grandparents are still hold sex .
There ’s a lot of secret surroundingsexin your 60s , seventy and beyond .
Look online and you ’ll incur multitudinous threads where curious younger people demand ifolder mass are deliver sex activity at all , and if they are get it , what it ’s like . “What does it feel like?”others wonder . ( Good , we imagine ? It ’s still sex ! )
The mystery story surrounding sex in old age stems from a combining of factors , agree toShannon Chavez , a licensed psychologist and gender therapist in Beverly Hills , California .
First , social taboos and ageist attitudes have led to a marginalization of old grownup ’ sex . No one wants to imagine people their grandparents ’ or parents ’ age having sex , so we throw out those idea . What we get as a result are limited treatment and representations of sex in later life ; think of how few scenes we see of older people getting it on in movies and video , and how often post-50 sex and Viagra are the butt of the joke for late - night comedians .
We ’re all going to get older finally ( hopefully , anyway ) but because we ’ve stigmatize post-50 sex so much , we ’re poorly - prepared for the realities of it , Chavez say .
“ There ’s a lack of comprehensive sex instruction tailor to quondam historic period groups , exit many individuals uninformed about the change and challenges they may face regarding sexuality as they age , ” she recite HuffPost .
“ This all leads to misconception and curiosity about what intimate experience are like in later life sentence , ” she say . “ Overall , increase consciousness , Department of Education , and overt dialogue about sex and aging can aid eliminate the mystery and promote salubrious attitudes toward gender in older age group . ”
The hearten reality is that those who are AARP - aged are still bear , savour and desiring gender , even when they ’re not pair up . Four out of 10 citizenry ages 65 - 80 are still sexually dynamic , according to a 2018 studyfrom theNational Poll on Healthy Aging . And whether or not they have an active sex life , nearly two - thirds of older adults say they ’re interested in sex . More than one-half said sexuality is important to their timber of life , according to the same study .
To shed some visible radiation on post-70 sexual practice , we ask sex therapists and masses over 70 to partake in some things people should have a go at it about sex in the golden years . See what they had to say below .
Responses have been gently edit out for clarity and length .
Your need to feel desired doesn’t just disappear.
“ I can only verbalize for my married woman and I , but I think one of the biggest things not speak about is the drive for sexual practice and physical enjoyment ― to be desired , to be want , to have that notion of generate and receiving the physical , as well as excited release ― never goes away . When we ’re young , we do n’t want to believe that erstwhile , saggy man still desire sex . But we do . Physical attractor and atonement , communicating and personal hygienics are still important , even in our LXX .
“ There are certain thing that have to be worked out , of course : cavernous dysfunction , utmost dispassionateness , pain andlimited positions . But it ’s bully to be alive at a clip when science has solved some of these progeny with easy solutions . drug and creams for both women and men , as well as forcible exercises and therapies , make it possible to enjoy sex at this previous stage . I translate that there are many people at this long time who have drain diseases or physical limitation that make it very difficult or even unsuitable to have sexual urge . And I for certain abide by that . But there are also many older people , older than us even , who still need and have sex .
“ I think the biggest problem is the stigma of being old , with gray hair or bald , saggy breast and butts , means that there ’s no longer a need for sex . When we were in our 50 , we thought that if we were alive in our 70s , we ’d be done . To our pleasant surprise , it ’s just the antonym . ” ―Frank , 76 , who lives in the Texas panhandle and has been married for almost 53 years
The frequency decreases but the quality often increases.
“ I think the most surprising matter about sex after 70 for many tribe is that it has the potential to be better than ever . Many of my clients in their 70s ( and 80s ! ) report that while the frequency of sex broadly speaking declines with eld , the quality improves . Sometimes this is associate to so - call off sexual disfunction which leads them to get a line newfangled nerve pathway to pleasure . For example , if incursion is atrocious or uncomfortable , they often find out to explore and enjoy full - body pleasance . Or if erectile issues get up , many folks in conclusion discover that the hand , knife , lips , toys and skin can lead to intense pleasure and sexual climax in the absence of penial erection . ” ―Jess O’Reilly , a sexologist and the host of theSex With Dr. Jess podcast
Erectile dysfunction doesn’t need to end your sex life.
“ I ’ve dealt with ED for over 20 years . My wife could never orgasm with [ phallus in vagina ] but now has at least two or three orgasms and often more . I guess you could call it advanced foreplay : I expend my mouth , hands and leg to stimulate her . She then have me until I ’m finished . ” ―Norm , 71 , southeasterly Michigan
Aging may cause physical barriers, but there are workarounds.
" You do n’t have to experience spontaneous desire to enjoy sexuality , " say Jess O’Reilly , a sexologist and the host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast . “ Aging may get physical changes that do n’t have to be barriers to having sexual urge . age by nature causes changes in strong-arm comfort and mobility such as arthritis , joint painfulness , or mobility limitation that can be addressed easily by using product such aspillows for support , tryingdifferent sexual position that are less physically demanding , orincorporating lubricantsto subdue discomfort which contribute to a more gratifying and fulfilling sexual experience . Also , being open to experimenting and adjust to the changing needs of one ’s body can serve older adults continue to engage in pleasurable sexual activeness . In older age , sex is less performative and more adaptable to experience providing pleasure and connexion . ” ―Chavez
Sexual adventurousness and creativity expand with experience.
“ Just because our bodies get tire out does n’t mean our thinker do . Adventurousness and imagination expand with experience . I may be different from other people , but I detect myself giving myself license to research and be interested in various activities even more than when I was vernal . When you get toward the remnant of your life you realize the rules do n’t weigh as much any longer , include in bottom . No one is going to give you a disapproving glance and no one is going to discourage you from doing something you want to do and , really , who give care if they do ? ” ―David Daniel , a 70 - something in Cedar Rapids , Iowa
It can be painful, especially for women.
“ The maturate process has a terrible wallop on sexual functioning and satisfaction . In addition , as we get on , we lean to have more aesculapian emergence and many medicine can bear on intimate affair . As we senesce , we often experience change in our intimate behavior , desire , what we find arouse , and overall intimate well - being . Some of the biological changes we experience as we age require hormones : When cleaning lady hand midway long time , they experiencemenopause . This happen because the body stops producing estrogen . Some of the results of decreased estrogen production include vaginal waterlessness , decreased lubrication , and expiration of elasticity in the vaginal tissue paper . This often leads to discomfort and even pain during intercourse . In some fount , there may be a lessening in nipple and clitoral sensitivity . The good news program is , lubeandlonger - acting vaginal moisturizerscan help . ” ―Rachel Needle , a psychologist in West Palm Beach , Florida , and the Centennial State - director ofModern Sex Therapy Institutes
Sometimes, it’s more about the emotional connection.
" It is less about the sexual scripts and acts of sex and more about the case of connection and closeness that can be gained from reciprocally enjoyable experiences together , " sexual activity therapist Shannon Chavez articulate . “ excited link and involvement are a priority and sexual urge becomes intentional and more of the experience they are suffer . It is less about the intimate script and act of sex and more about the type of association and closeness that can be gained from mutually enjoyable experience together . The motivating for sexual urge may be less about look sound , pleasing your partner only , feeling like an responsibility or task , and being more intentional about feeling undecomposed together and enjoying the experience . ” ―Chavez
Sexual desire is “supposed” to be spontaneous but it’s not always that way, especially as we age.
“ Some data propose that very few adult female commonly experience intimate desire postmenopause . One studyfound that 24 % never experience desire and 41 % rarely know desire postmenopause . But 91 % experience foreplay ( and pleasure ) . What we can learn from this is that you do n’t have to live spontaneous desire to enjoy sexual activity ; if you do n’t find yourself in the mood , you’re able to put yourself in the mood — with fantasy , conversation , touching , and other forms of rousing . ” ―O’Reilly
It’s all about managing your expectations.
“ If you believe Reddit and other on-line forums , some ethnic music make lovemaking several metre a Clarence Shepard Day Jr. . I ’ve secern the folks on Reddit that we make beloved every Friday . We tell anyone that want to see us on Friday that we have a former engagement . Our family know that Friday is our gelidity mean solar day and never bothers us . Could we have sexual practice more often ? possibly , but it ’s very draining and we talk about it all of the time to keep it exciting . It ’s Wednesday today , so it ’s Friday , eve , eventide . Lots of hugging and kissing during the week , just to be close . ” ―NormThis mail service originally appeared onHuffPost .
