" Being a parent to a toddler is messing with my vocab . Told someone that I was meritless I was recent because I got stuck wait on a choo choo train to pass . " — @treydayway
Now that it’s March, you now have an excellent Easter bunny-themed “game” to play with young children who run everywhere:
If you need a preschooler to slow down , you do n’t say " slow down " you say " hop like a bunny girl " and tbh this scheme works on everyone of every age for every educational activity
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
Realizing I have started to babble about preschool viruses I ’ve contracted like a disease sommelier “ Flu was more like an vivid , full - eubstance thing , but RSV was more back of the roof of the mouth , dry … ”
2.
Daughter : 🎶 my mom is so pretty , she ’s the proficient mom 🎶 Me : good Sung dynasty I ’ve ever hear , keep going!Daughter : 🎶 and she ’s getting older and wo n’t be here soon 🎶 Me : … … .
3.
My 6yo stick home from school and grovel into bed with a thermionic vacuum tube of pringles , so I guess it was a rough day in kindergarten
4.
Have tike so you may find a banana tree peel in your washing machine AFTER you washed your clothes .
5.
when my adolescent was diagnose w / ADHD , the therapist babble to us about how ADHD manifests differently in girls , and as she read through the list , every single one of us turned to my ex husband and all at once were like OMG YOU HAVE ADD BUT FOR GIRLS & he got diagnosed next lol
6.
Sorry kid I missed your childhood , I was officious trying to capture up on email from your shoal
7.
keep achieve for the fuckin ’ stars , billy.pic.twitter.com/MF0R3kUA7B
8.
My 5yo : I AM decease TO TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT A DRAGON AND LETTUCE.Me * after ten transactions of story * : Let ’s enfold it up , Babe.5yo : AND THEN EVERYONE DIED.Me : That ’ll form .
9.
whenever i see a niggling kid walking around i ’m like bloody they really nailed it with “ toddlers ”
10.
My daughter said all the kids were in schoolhouse talking about whose daddy would win in a race . She read that they all tally to ask their dada to be in the race . I asked why she did n’t ask me to race . She seem at me . She looked at my stomach . Then we drove home in muteness
11.
My 6yo is intone all the words that rime with mark and this is going to end naughtily in about 3 seconds
12.
No . Target . No.pic.twitter.com/Q39adp3gui
13.
Being a parent to a tot is messing with my vocab . Told someone that I was sorry I was late because I got amaze waiting on a choo choo train to pass
14.
Good news ! My 8YO suppose she is halfway done with the tarradiddle she start up assure last Monday
15.
My three kid are roughly the same eld as Kate Middleton ’s so I can say pretty confidently that she is hiding in the lavatory guess to pee for a really longsighted time .
16.
There ’s an ambulance outside as we walk into a entrepot , and when my husband says that someone must be sick or anguish , my 7yo loudly proclaims , " BUT WHY would they 𝙗𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 them to Walmart ? ! "
17.
I give way boohooing to my mamma and Jax was like “ why were you shout out on Grandma like that ? ” I had to explain how like when he wants to nest when he is disquieted and he was like “ She ’s like your … mom ? ”
18.
Please keep my 10 yo in your thought and supplicant this morning . He has to take a shower and it has " destroy his life ’s plan " .
19.
9yo ( frustrated and cry ): I just want to scan my Koran , but I keep feature to blab out to people and do chores !
20.
My 7yo lash this detestation into my shopping cart . I’m getting looks.pic.twitter.com/zPQs2LgGic
21.
with both parent in the hospital the second most asked interrogation i get after “ how are they ” is “ how is your husband doing with the kids when you ’re function all the time?”im going to start telling people he was unable to manage them so he sold them to the genus Circus
22.
My 5yo : AT SCHOOL IF YOU BE NAUGHTY YOU HAVE TO SIT IN A CHAIR AND I AM NOT NAUGHTY BUT I WANTED TO baby-sit IN THE CHAIR SO I BE wild AND THE TEACHER TOLD ME TO SIT IN THE CHAIRMe:5yo : WASN’T EVEN FUN IN THE CHAIR . GUESS I’M DONE WITH THE CRAZY
23.
my Logos at 2 class old had a muffin phase — I had to ( as did daycare ) show him pics of muffins for him to go down asleephttps://t.co/xHZHHYUqYg
24.
Rival dad next threshold and his family are moving today . So I ’m model out front judging his atomic number 92 - haul tetri stacking abilities and giving a disapproving moan when he does something incorrect .
25.
The kids need bigger place , so we were snuggle up , range online . The 8 - class - old turns , inch from my case , & demand , “ ARE WE CONSUMERS?”I say yes , and he nods . They ’ve spill about it at school . The 6 - year - onetime pipework in and asks nonchalantly , “ Does that word mean we corrode people ? ”
26.
Watching an instalment of Cocomelon where two kids are experience a playdate and the two dads are riding a bicycle-built-for-two cycle together so wait a sec who ’s really take the playdate here .
27.
When the kids are finally at rest and you get some me timepic.twitter.com/NJGM8IB3JE
28.
My niece on the phone with her lil friend and i guess they ask what she doing , and she say in the machine with my aunty . The the way she order auntie sounded like old bitch lite , 💀 so she gon na elucidate and say " but she not one-time she 27 with a powdered ginger bob " somehow she made it speculative 😭 😭 😭
29.
control a momfluencer post where she lecture about how she had a “ animation room family , ” not a “ bedroom family ” because everyone felt happy and safe together in the living room and did n’t feel the need to isolate themselves in their chamber . Her kids were 2 - years - previous and infant .
30.
What are the funniest things people on this website have accused you of being a high-risk parent for ? Mine ’s a flip - up between " watch pearl with my 3 day old baby ( too much CRT screen time ) " and " sending my 3yo to a school where the teacher serve him go enamored ( not enough privateness ) "
31.
WOULDNT IT BE tragical IF DAD JOKES WERE REALLY JUST MOM JOKES , BUT REPEATED BY A DAD MORE LOUDLY?https://t.co / eA5593KsdL
32.
Not to brag but my daughter eat the fruit I packed in her luncheon today.pic.twitter.com/cCRocEkbpl
33.
My wife can seriously notice stuff blindfolded . The other day , my 6yo was cry because she lost her toothpaste , so my other youngster and I helped her depend , and it turned into havoc . My wife demo up and told my 6yo “ It ’s in your bridge player . ”What kind of black art is this ?
34.
Exhausted Parent PSA - The prospect you could mistake a cutting wimp sausage for a banana when making a smoothie is small , but not zero .
35.
my girl was telling me that a dad from preschool has no hair’s-breadth because he saw something shivery and got so scared that his hair’s-breadth ran aside and i was like , “ oh that ’s funny ” and she said “ it ’s not fishy mom , it ’s SAD ”
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