" I am like the reverse of artificial intelligence operation . Genuine stupidity . " — @surajdukhii
As much as I want to spend less time online, the chaos, funny moments, and real-time pop culture reactions on Twitter keep me wide-eyed, phone-in-hand, screen bright, and scrolling.
So here we are again — another week where I will share all the funny tweets I found for you. Between theKendrick and Drake rap beef,Challengersmovie release, and the general spring fever in the air, there was no shortage of funny moments, so let’s get right into ‘em:
1.
i empathize that my consistence ca n’t digest corn or whatever . that ’s hunky-dory . my issue is that i fucking manducate it . how the the pits is it coming out back in the shape of corn . what are they not telling us
2.
Selecting all icon with dealings lightshttps://t.co/EGatdbjjBf
3.
sometimes you hack one onion and put it in a pan and think , this only wo n’t do . so you chop up another onion and put it in the genus Pan , and now you have the amount of onion a clown would eat , at the genus Circus
4.
weeping uncontrollably at skee lump because my nephew whiffed a five peg parlay and now I ca n’t yield dentalhttps://t.co/su4nvyo88S
5.
When I state you this has me in TEARS!!!!pic.twitter.com / RfrBxTYAE6
6.
did he burglarize the Wii bowling alleyhttps://t.co/cgzY8QSxTR
7.
WHAT IS THIS 😭 😭 😭 😭 pic.twitter.com/xQUuL3XqQ0
8.
i am like the opposite of artificial intelligence operation . genuine imbecility .
9.
I have sex saying “ sound good ” at work and do n’t crap strait good
10.
i find like when my landlord aim my split they should text me like “ thank you ! ! ” or “ got it ♥ ️ ” or something
11.
12.
- me , rearranging my spice gouge alphabetically * Ok , what come after thyme?Cyndi Lauper : thyme
13.
It has come to my attention , that describing my neighbor as “ idle behind the eyes ” is perhaps , crude and morbid . I apologize . Moving fore , I will now trace my neighbor as “ Lookin like she has the dvd logo bouncin around her skull . ” Way more fun and lively I reckon .
14.
Fuck it I just do n’t care anymore what ’s the pointpic.twitter.com/0MZ3U20079
15.
No you freaky bitch!https://t.co / MxQQhVG4Ic
16.
Instead of “ happy hour ” I wanna go to a “ grievance hour ” where the drinks and appetizer are one-half price and everyone mistreat up to the microphone but instead of karaoke they complain about their life
17.
9 pm at a sleepover : omg this is so fun we should paint our nails next3am at a sleepover : https://t.co / F8GJ5xy92 t
18.
I loveeee hold 3 martini I understand why my pa chose this over nurture me
19.
Best friends are so crazy like wow this person would kill for me but also if I misspeak a word in front of them they will make playfulness of me for it forever
20.
The men are rapping about claim ozempic and get lipo … WE demand MECHANICS
21.
Lin Manuel Mirandahttps://t.co/1F6muIMm64
22.
my car is fuckedpic.twitter.com/qCL1NHWtHr
23.
why are all the " cozy games " about managing a small business or working on a farm . these are the two least relaxing things you may do
24.
25.
I have 100 cookbooks written by real chefs and cooks but instead every Nox I Google “ nutrient weeknight dinner party fast ” and make a recipe from a web log I will never call again called like Parsnips and Cowlicks or Girl With a Spatula or Hearts of Pam
26.
This is still one of the greatest autograph of all time.pic.twitter.com/9ZC84jTzbe
27.
Someone on Nantucket purchase a cybertruck and the local newspaper publisher has been following them around making play of thempic.twitter.com/QREU2QIOJi
28.
I used to steady myself down in simple school by imagining this posterpic.twitter.com/9OlHmLsuTT
29.
bro it ’s 1 am . my boy sits up & projectile vomits everywhere , the whole bed , both sides of the level , the lav when we got him there . it was some Are We There Yet ? shit . when he ’s done , he gets up chipper as ever . feeling GREAT & says “ mama why do human have hair ? ” girlWHAT?pic.twitter.com/7uzhOXZNAY
30.
THE WORDING 😭 😭 😭 😭 like yes she did baby ! for almost 9 years!pic.twitter.com/3cTRpLOGqh
31.
TSA lady was scannin my i d & was like Girl ik them nails was $ 150 n i say No they was $ 40 😭 & she front at me like 😐 n pulled me to the side n made me write down who did em Then the protection guard gon say expect she ca nt even spell in them shits she holdin the playpen like a cavemanpic.twitter.com/7cjaUlP0vA
32.
Dental hygienist : you have to floss more . quit drinking so much coffee and tea . You CANNOT go on living like thisDentist : ( hold my jaw to visit it like a prized horse ) yup lookin good
33.
it front like he ’s client starring on hannah montanahttps://t.co/xhx5Di8r7R
That’s it for this week! Don’t forget to shoot these creators a follow if they made you laugh. And if you’re looking for more tweets to keep ya laughing, check out our previous roundups:
24 Hilarious Tweets From The Week Because Humor make Everythinggg Better
I Ca n’t Help But Cackle At These 29 Funny Little Tweets From The Week
