" Upstairs neighbor be like omgggg I almost blank out to break my article of furniture and throw 100 marbles on the ground today . " — @amishestrogen
Good morning/afternoon/evening wherever you are! Last weekend was St. Patrick’s Day, and I can’t stop thinking about this:
I express mirth at this every yearpic.twitter.com/fA2hlRaTHa
There were plenty more funny tweets last week (includingmanyspeculating onKate Middleton’s “disappearance”). So, let’s get riiiight into ‘em all:
1.
when I was 12 or so my babysitter would always blab about this girl she used to babysit — how coolheaded she was , how much she missed her — and it made me detest this girl out of pure infantile jealously bc I wanted my babysitter to think * I * was cool . the other girl was Emma Stone however
2.
I could never be a picture show critic because almost every time I see a motion-picture show I ’m like “ yeah that was fun ” and it ’s usually because I catch popcorn and a big soda
3.
upstairs neighbors be like omgggg i almost forgot to go against my furniture and throw 100 marbles on the ground today 😫
4.
Corn never wanted to be all of thishttps://t.co/CzHd2vKo1x
5.
LMFAOOOOpic.twitter.com/u4K3gDib58
6.
♡ impoverishment ♡ https://t.co/Jv79xoX70 liothyronine
7.
split is n’t free , set up him to workpic.twitter.com/kO8cmbIDZW
8.
yall…pic.twitter.com/YxfS86TMnH
9.
whenever I meet a mean girl in 2024 I ’m like DAMN . I did n’t even know they made these any longer
10.
what if chatgpt is just one guy who can type really tight
11.
if you ’re on a boeing flight it ’s not shrink any longer to clap when the plane lands .
12.
it ’s sickening how the british force their tiddler to do the accent too
13.
distaff internet investigators uncovering that the Kate Middleton characterization was in reality taken in late 2023 free-base on the matched ribbing on Kate Middleton ’s sweater ( which is only deal in two colors -white and cream ) and therefore Kate ’s black jumper was photoshopped.pic.twitter.com/btCjRUBHwq
14.
Look , I ’m no detective - but if I was trying to discover a missing midsection - elderly rich lady who was tired of her shitty husband , I ’d at least * enquire * Pete Davidson .
15.
WE FOUND HER!pic.twitter.com / OfUkAQ6qg3
16.
ok thumbelinapic.twitter.com/mDpZi2mMqZ
17.
supernanny when a child calls their mother a cunthttps://t.co/oG6Mw3EGKG
18.
it is so embarrassing when u obligate a baby and they immediately jump crying like omg is my vibe totally have intercourse , be honest with me
19.
idk . that ’s just not true . i literally give birth him.https://t.co/V4Nu8Fudi4pic.twitter.com/agWyTzoKxb
20.
Y’all my girl apply my very strict guideline on how I can show up to school on her natal day . PLEASE HELP ME ! ! ! ! ! pic.twitter.com/QXA6tNu23r
21.
me googling the figure that called me rather of answering it like an grownup : pic.twitter.com / jGISBIZ309
22.
Did you sleep well?Me : pic.twitter.com / zFZV0XWCmY
23.
me trying to get out of my own headpic.twitter.com/CKSc7ydeho
24.
Job send out a rejection email 10 second after the audience call cease , never been this gagged beforepic.twitter.com/uAuwKOyVbx
25.
me rewatching my ig history after someone care itpic.twitter.com/v3syoXWQkF
Don’t forget to shoot these creators a follow for more funny tweets! And if you’re looking for more curated laughs, feel free to scroll through our recent roundups:
Life Can Feel Pointless , Difficult , And Dumb , But These 31 tweet Are amusing , delicious , And sure enough To Make You laugh softly
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