Bottom ’s up , mommas !

1.This mom who knows how to handle people who need to mind their own business:

( I am 6 month fraught )

Me after ordering my coffee :

Stranger at Starbucks : you know you should be drinking decaf when you ’re meaning .

Me : I ’m … not pregnant .

Stranger : ( horror-stricken ) I am so , so dismal !

And that ’s what you get for giving unsolicited advice .

2.This mom who taught her kids to always be smart before they take on any risky behaviors:

My 11yo just screamed across the skatepark “ MOM ! DID YOU EVER GET OUR HEALTH INSURANCE REINSTATED ? I WANNA DO A fast one ! ”

3.This mom who has a handy little trick for deciding if she wants a certain hairstyle or not:

I could n’t decide if I wanted smasher or not so I cut back bang for my girl and she looks awful . Dodged a smoke there .

4.This mom who lives in the moment, allowing her kids freedom of expression:

My 6yo is chant all the words that rhyme with sucker and this is move to end badly in about 3 second gear

5.And this mom who does the same, except she knows when to really interject:

Me : “ Come here ” is spelled C - atomic number 8 - M - E not C - U - MMy Kyd : Does it really weigh how I import it?Me : Yes !

6.This mom who walks through life giving nods to the people who interact with her kids:

Hats off to the waiter that kept a consecutive face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna .

7.This mom who is probably about to write a book titled “Quotes from My 4-Year-Old”:

  • Kidzbop song plays*my 4yo : they were 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 to say " fuck "

8.And this mom who could also write the same kind of book:

“ Do you think in heaven you’re able to piddle anywhere you want ? ” My girl , asking the big questions

9.This mom who, bless her soul, is the best parent ever:

been look for my 4 year old ’s dog who is lose somewhere in this house . her … imaginary dog . we still have n’t found him . she ’s crying.pic.twitter.com/Y09wJ7LIQT

10.This mom who knows true frustration:

I would like to officially apologize to my tot for cut her left-hand flapjack before I slew her correct pancake , I do n’t know what I was thinking

11.This mom who needs to host a class on how to get your kids to respect you:

My 5yo asked if she could have a brownie and I jump to say no cause it was too close to dinner and she aver , “ please your highness ” . So I require her where that came from and she enjoin matter of factly , “ cause you ’re my poove . ” So anyway , she ’s now having brownies for dinner party .

12.This mom who is just hilariously right:

great now my Kyd think they come in from billboard in the woodspic.twitter.com/cCpe4ygLl1

13.This mom who is down to create this fantasy scheme for her kid:

My kid lost a tooth and plans to put it under her pillow tonight so the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy can run across and hopefully make a love link and I am HERE FOR IT

14.This mom who is hanging on by a thread:

Looking to update my kitchen decor , but I ca n’t settle between a state smart curtain for above the sump or a jumbo streamer that says RINSE YOUR damned PLATE

15.This mom who is raising a kid who stands up for themselves:

I ask my 6yo “ are n’t you gon na serve me plant peak ” and she said “ oh mommy I would sleep with to do that except that I do n’t require to ”

16.This mom who knows nothing kids say is surprising:

  • Middle of dinner*My kid : Can I have a snack ?

17.This mom who took one for the team so now moms everywhere know not to get butterflytattooson their lower hips:

When I was 18 I thought it would be cunning to get a butterfly tattoo on my lower hip joint but after 6 c - section it looks like a sad moth in a top hat .

18.And finally, this mom who knew it was her duty to continue the cycle of always turning to her mom — no matter what age she is.

The 8yo disrupted my sleep again , so I texted my mom at 2AM to enquire when it bar .